A Relaxing Nap

So, I got up this morning as usual. ‘Get up’ though, is sort of a misnomer. I dragged myself out of bed, using language that actually caused smoke to rise from the carpet. I threw on some sweats, jumped on my exercise bike, did 20-minutes, ate breakfast, and then hopped in the shower.

I was going about my business applying soap to various bits and at some point, I’m pretty sure I fell asleep. Now, I’m not 100% on this, but I did spend almost twenty-minutes in there, so I either took the slowest shower in my entire life (personal best: 1 minutes, 39 seconds) or ninjas snuck into my house and reset the clocks (and my watch, and the clocks at work, including on my computer which is password protected).

It was just kind of odd. I honestly didn’t think you could do that. Now, I love a good hot shower as much as the next guy, maybe more so than most, but falling asleep standing up in a tub with hot water hitting you seems like a stretch.

Now I’m wondering at what other times I’ve fallen asleep and not realized it. I know I did it in high school (a lot) and I have no actual recollections of church, though my mother made me go for a number of years. Come to think of it, ’84 is kind of a blur, as is ’95-’99.

Upon reflection, what did I blog about last week?

Cheers,
-Jason

Where the Wild Things Are

I didn't even know they were making a movie when this came across my desk. I admit that WWTA wasn't a big book for me as a kid. I don't know why, as it should have been right up my alley. Maybe I just didn't read it at the right time.

However, the trailer is just two minutes of joy:


Roooar!
-Jason

Telltale Games

Telltale Games, if you didn't know, are the makers of the award-winning Sam and Max games, as well as Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People and the new Wallace and Grommit's Grand Adventures. They are not only magnificent people, but generous as well, as they sent me a free copy of the above-mentioned new Wallace and Grommit title. I plan on playing it this weekend and giving a full report next week.

In other news, Emerald City Comic Con is a week from Saturday. Yes, your best chance to meet Leigh and myself, both fully clothed and bathed, is coming up soon. We would be delighted to talk to you and your friends/children/pets/in-laws/stalkers/childhood sweehearts/elementary school teachers, so bring them along.

Look for a new episode of Art the Wanderer on Monday and the usual silliness the rest of the week.

Cheers,
-Jason

Never #2

Please be warned, I’m going to talk about poop in this blog. So if you’re easily offended (which begs the question of why you’re reading my blog in the first place) by the word ‘poop’ or its various other forms, such as ‘pooping’ or ‘pooped,’ read no further.

NOTE: I will probably not use the words ‘pooper,’ ‘poop-tastic’ or ‘poop-itations.’ No, I don’t actually know what that means.

Anyway, last weekend we had a small get-together to celebrate a friend’s birthday. During said celebration, the subject of sleep came up, followed by dreams, followed by dreaming you have to pee, but can’t find a bathroom.

We all agreed that this stank, especially in the rare occasions when you actually do successfully ‘go,’ but then just have to go some more. Even worse is when you have to go while being chased by zombies with cameras. Then again, that might be just me.

All of us have had this experience, but it occurred to me that I had never had a dream were I had to poop really badly and woke up needing to poop. No one else in the room had either.

Why is that? Are we just hard wired to not poop in our sleep? And while we’re on the subject, can you sneeze when you’re asleep? If you’re a sleep-walker, can you sleep-walk to the bathroom and pee and/or poop while you’re asleep? If you sneeze when you’re sleep-walking, can you wake yourself up by sneezing? Can you sneeze so hard that you poop yourself?

I don’t know, I just think this is interesting (I was going to say ‘fascinating,’ but I don’t want to use ‘fascinate’ and ‘poop’ in the same context). The human body is a weird, wonderful vessel. It is both amazingly tough and surprisingly vulnerable. It is an adaptable, flexible machine with some truly astounding abilities and features.

And then there’s ear-hair, which kind of throws things for a loop.

Cheers,
-Jason

Mint Shield

Strangely enough, this is not the name of a magic item in WoW. It’s the flavor of my mouthwash. I recently ran out of mouthwash and bought a new Economy size bottle. I had just used the ‘green’ one, so I figured I’d branch out and try the ‘purple.’

NOTE: I buy the Economy size because it lasts me about a year. The downside is that a year is a long time if you discover you hate the flavor you chose. Curse you, blue swill!

Unfortunately, it was not grape-flavored. The makers apparently did not learn that ‘purple’ equals ‘grape flavor’ as children. Red is cherry, orange is orange, blue is something (I can’t remember), green is apple, and brown is dirt. I never did figure out what the black one was supposed to taste like.

Anyhow, I cracked open my new bottle of mouthwash last Sunday and gave it a try. It was yet another variation on mint. Why ‘mint’ equals ‘clean’ I’ll never know. I looked at the actual flavor and was surprised to learn that it was called Mint Shield.

And then, in yet another flash of inspiration, I had it. Gamer-oriented flavors. If Mountain Dew can market Game Fuel, why can’t mouthwash get a similar treatment? Or toothpaste? Or Girl Scout cookies? Or Motor Oil? Or grocery bags? Or those small rubber rings that you stick inside pipes so that the water doesn’t leak?

It’s easy! If it’s Mint Shield, call it +3 Shield of Mint! Would you rather brush with Regular Paste or Paste of the Titans? A ball cap becomes a Hat of Solar Protection. This can apply to any product! Boxers (as in underwear) become Shorts of Ventilation or Godly Shorts of the Whale.

As usual, if you’re a marketing executive, give me a call. I have a million of them.

Cheers,
-Jason

Astroboy!

First, a bit of news:

The blog has been getting spammed hard by anonymous porn posts lately, so we reluctantly banned posting from anonymous sources. If you're anonymous and want to post a comment, please register and log in.

Really, please do! I enjoy all the comments I get! They make me feel all warm and fuzzy, like I do after I eat a giant burrito with extra jalapenos.

So, onto Video Tuesday!

This was sent to be my a buddy who's a real movie buff. I've never actually seen Astroboy, but this looks good, clean fun. Oh sure, I enjoy explosions, gunplay and bazookas that fire chainsaws as much as the next guy, but sometimes, you just want something . . . nice.



Enjoy the new page and look for a new blog tomorrow!

Cheers,
-Jason

Friday!

Yes, the weekend is almost upon us.

I would like to remind everyone that Emerald City Comic Con is in two-weeks, followed quickly by Stumptown. Leigh will be happy to do quick sketches and will do full drawings for a nominal fee. I will once again be offering free sentences.

I even made a sign. It looks kinda like this:

Sentence: Free
Paragraph: $1
Novel: $20K

The way I figure it, I only really need to sell one novel.

Look for two new pages of Art the Wanderer on Monday, a new page on Tuesday, and the usual blogs the rest of the week.

Cheers,
-Jason

Sewrrandur!

Whilst having lunch with some coworkers today, the topic of apocalyptic wastelands came up. If this seems strange, remember that we’re computer game nerds and lacking sports stories, we talk about zombies, Star Trek and apocalypses.

Anyway, it was pointed out that as life becomes more comfortable, the less we will be able to survive. We get our food from the supermarket, get water and electricity delivered, and generally take for granted comforts that a large percentage of the world does not have.

Basically, in an apocalypse, we’d be screwed. Lacking any survival skills, we’d only hold out as long as we had canned food and Twinkies to sustain us. Once those were gone, we’d be too.

NOTE: We did discuss resorting to cannibalism, but then realized we would have no idea how to prepare a person or even what bits were edible. Plus, we didn’t know what wine went with people or which fork to use.

One of the first things we’d lose, of course, would be proper spelling. None of us can spell without a word processor. I used to be an excellent speller, but Word has made it so easy that I just try to get close and let the computer handle it. All of us had fallen into this particular trap.

So if the end of civilization did come, we’d end up fighting for our lives against marauding bands of leather clad, post-apocalyptic hoodlums who couldn’t spell. It might very well go like this:

The arrow buried itself into the wood with a ‘thunk,’ a thick note tied around its shaft.

A grubby survivor, clad in the remains of a jogging suit and wearing shoulder pads and a hockey mask, pulled it out.

“What’s it say?” asked another, who was clad in a makeshift tunic made from bathmats.

“Umm,” said the first man. “Not sure.” He held up the note.

“Sewrrandur ur tuwankeys,” the other sounded out. “What the hell? Sewrrandur? What’s that mean? And what’s a ‘tuwankey?’

“Turkey?”

“Nah, they know we don’t have any turkeys.”

“Tarantula? Turnip? Turnkey?”

“Oh, give me that!” The bathmat bedecked man snatched the note away and then climbed to the top of the makeshift wall. “Excuse me,” he shouted. “But what’s your note say?”

“Surrender your Twinkies!” someone shouted back.

He looked at the note. “No it doesn’t! It say’s ‘Sewrrandur ur tuwankeys.’

“Oh,” came the voice again. “Sorry. I used Word a lot.”

“Ah, that would explain it.” He glanced back at his comrades. “Then do everyone a favor and go plunder a dictionary. And no, you can’t have our Twinkies.”

Cheers,
-Jason

Epic Visa

Last Sunday, I opened my mailbox and after clearing out the gremlins, noticed an envelope bearing the World of Warcraft logo on it.

“Zounds!” I said to myself, followed quickly by an “Egad!”. “Surely,” I continued, “this must portend something wonderful, for never have I received such a missive!”

Actually, I went “Huh” and walked home (I’m not that articulate in real life). I have to say, though, that I was actually curious. It’s rare that I get anything in the mail that’s remotely thought provoking, though the Frederick’s catalogue that was mistakenly put in my box last month was interesting to say the least.

Needless to say, I opened the WoW envelope first.

It was a credit-card application.

I was being offered a credit card with my choice of WoW pictures on it and a month’s subscription for opening the account.

I had two immediate thoughts: First, how did they know I played WoW? Was this a random mailing? Did I come up in some database?

“Hmmm,” thought the account manager. “Single, late-thirties, male . . . and he works in the computer industry? Quick, get that man a WoW Card application!” Cue dramatic music.

Obviously, they bought my name from somewhere, possibly from www.singlethirtiesmalewhoworksinthecomputerindustry.com (founding member). Don’t click on that link, btb.

NOTE: I know somebody did. Come on, admit it.

However, my second thought was: Really, a month’s subscription? You can do better than that. If the card matched my spending with WoW gold, I’d be interested. An Epic of my choice would also be enticing. I’m not going to leap on your card just because it’s got a Blood Elf Pallie on the front (tempting though that might be).

So here’s the deal, credit card guys: I want matching gold, an epic mount, and a purple weapon for my pallie and we can talk.

And level my jewelcrafting.

Cheers,
-Jason

Kinda Creepy

This is simultaneously kinda cool and kinda creepy.

It's a new 'fashion' robot from Japan. It (I initially wrote 'she') is a robot, which is automatically cool. Yet it moves in a surprisingly lifelike fashion, which is where it gets kinda creepy.

The full story is here: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,509361,00.html



It's all well and good, until they start shouting 'kill all humans!' and coming after you with an industrial welder.

Cheers,
-Jason

Peeps: Part 2

I hadn’t actually planned on doing a follow up to Peeps. I mean, there really isn’t anything more to talk about. The following sums it up:

I like stale Peeps.

Imagine my surprise then, when I checked the comments section and discovered I had 12 comments. That is the most comments I’ve ever had on a single blog on a single day. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure I had 12 readers.

So, let me say that all of you who commented rock and I answered every single one of you in my comment on your comments. Feel free to comment on my comment, as some of my comments are commendable or could possibly cause contention or confusion (hooray for that English degree!).

I’m also vaguely nervous now. It’s like that old Bugs Bunny cartoon where the giant monster suddenly realizes he’s being watched and runs away screaming (‘Aaaagh! People!’). It’s easy when you think no one’s watching, but now I have to live up to 12 comments.

So . . . yeah, makin’ with the funny.

Ummm . . . zombots!?

Anyone? Bueller?

Anyway, please tune in Monday for a BRAND NEW FEATURE! There will also be a new comic on Tuesday.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Cheers,
-Jason

Peeps

My Peeps are now stale.

No, this is a good thing! If there’s one thing I love in this world, its stale Peeps.

For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about (few sentient creatures do), Peeps are sugar-coated marshmallow critters in the shapes of bunnies and chicks. They are a traditional Easter treat for no fathomable reason.

Here is a picture of Peeps I stole from Wikipedia:


Anyway, I like my Peeps stale. Many of my friends find this amusing and like to mock me for it. I let them laugh, content in the knowledge that I could deliver a savage beating to them with but one of my stale bunnies.

NOTE: I could attach several stale peeps to chains and then a handle. It would be a Peep Flail. This would rock.

So, every year when I notice Peeps in the store, I buy six or so boxes, where ‘or so’ is defined as ten to twenty. I then bring them home, open them, and put them in a cupboard and then forget about them for about three weeks.

Once I remember, I open the cupboard and there lies a veritable trove of sugar-coated stale treasure. One year, I forgot about them for about six months. When I finally tried one, I literally had to gnaw on it (it was fantastic, btb).

Anyhow, my Peeps are now stale. I had four after dinner and they were marvelous. So there you have it, yet another look at what constitutes my life.

Cheers,
-Jason

Our Enemy Revealed

So, if you’ve paid any attention to the news, my blog, happen to live in the Pacific Northwest, or are psychic, you’ve noticed that it is really, really cold up here. It’s so cold I even found a partially frozen ninja on my porch, a shinobi-cicle, if you will.

The thing is, it’s March. It’s not supposed to be this cold at this time of year. There is only one possible explanation: we are under attack by a mad scientist with a weather controlling device.

NOTE: It could be a merely eccentric scientist. I don’t actually know.

And I know where to start looking.

If you recall, some months ago, a Canadian goose took down a US Airways jet. Lives were saved only because of the actions of one amazingly badass pilot. Now, where’s the coldest place in North America that happens to be right above us?

I have no idea, but for the sake of this argument, I’m going to say: Canada.

It’s obvious when you think about it. Some Canadian genius, obsessed with destroying America (or possibly inconveniencing me), has bent his will to our destruction. His Attack Geese failed, so he turned to a much more insidious plot: lowering the temperature enough to make us turn on our heaters, and thus, raising our electric bill.

Back when the geese attacked, I volunteered to head a Female Science Action Team composed of models/scientists who would spend every waking hour doing science-y things while dressed in a variety of negligible and/or fanciful outfits in the hope of saving America. I once again offer my services to the people of this great nation.

I trust a call from the President will be coming in shortly.

Cheers,
-Jason

Terminator: Salvation

So, Terminator: Salvation is coming soon. I will probably go see this one on the big screen, as some movies just need it. I still haven't seen T3, so I should probably go check that one out first (though I understand there's no continuity).

There's also a new trailer out, which looks pretty cool:


Look for a new blog tomorrow!

Also, this weeks page update will be on Thursday instead of Tuesday.

Cheers,
-Jason

Snow, Dammit!

Well, this Saturday, we went and say Watchmen. It's really good and well worth it. I even liked the hand-to-hand scenes, though they pulled the usual 'fast edits so the actors look good routine.'

My one complaint: It was snowing when we exited the theatre. We had planned a lovely get together at a friend's house, complete with dinner and possible Morris Dancing, but one look at the weather and we all decided to split up and head home.

As I was leaving, I decided to pull to the side of the road and make a quick cell call to let someone know the situation.

This prompted an amusing round of cell calls.

'Are you okay, we saw you pulled over?'

'Yes, I'm fine. I just don't like to drive and talk at the same time.'

'Okay, bye!'

Followed by:

'So-and-so called and said you were pulled over on the side of the road. Are you okay?'

'Yes, I'm fine. Thanks.'

Followed by:

'I heard you were-'

'I'm fine! Thank you!'

Followed even later by:

'Did you get home okay? I heard you were-'

'I'm home and I'm fine! Stop caring so much'

Actually, I do appreciate all the calls. It's just rapidity with which they arrived that got a bit silly.

Anyway, more blogging and a new page this week. Hint: Next Monday I'm going to be starting something new (no, not 'pant-less blogging'. Stay tuned!

Cheers,
-Jason

The Sleeping Aid to End Them All: Part 2

The scene: A well-lit TV studio, decorated tastefully with a large couch in the center. On the right sits a nice-looking woman in a blue dress and opposite her is a large figure completely obscured in a voluminous cloak.

The woman turns to the camera. “And we’re back. I’m your host, Brenda, and today we’re talking with-“

“YOU MAY ADDRESS ME AS NAGÄAE.”

“Wow, that’s a mouthful!” Cue canned laughter. “So, Nagä-, Nag-“

“NAGÄAE. I WILL ALSO ANSWER TO FRANK.”

“Great! So, Frank, what was that revolutionary new sleep aid you were telling me about?”

“IT IS CYÄEGHA, NAMED FOR MY LORD OF NIHILISM WHO SLEEPS ETERNALLY UNDER DUNKELHÜGEL.”

“Eternal sleep? You’re not going to get that with just any old pill!”

“NO.”

“So what makes Cyäegha different from all the other sleep aids out there?”

“IT IS PRESSED FROM THE CRUST THAT FORMS AROUND MY LORD’S GREAT EYE.”

“Eye crust? That’s sounds . . . er . . . was that a tentacle I just saw?”

“NO.”

“Really, I’m sure-“

“NO. IT WAS MERELY AN ILLUSION CREATED BY YOUR FEEBLE HUMAN BRAIN TO COPE WITH SOMETHING IT CANNOT COMPREHEND.”

“Ah. Yeah. So, Cyäegha. Is it safe for kids as well as adults?”

“NO. IT IS NOT SAFE FOR ANY MORTAL BEING.”

“Okay. Um, are there any side-effects?”

“ONCE TAKEN, YOU WILL NEVER AWAKEN. YOU WILL SLEEP UNTIL YOUR PITIFUL HUMAN BODY ROTS AND YOUR SOUL IS DELIVERED TO FEED MY LORD IN HIS ETERNAL SLUMBER.”

“Right. And that’s about all the time we have. I’m your host, Brenda and- what the? What the hell was that?”

“THAT WAS ACTUALLY A TENTACLE.”

Cheers,
-Jason

The Sleeping Aid to End Them All: Part 1

I happened to see a commercial for a sleep aid the other day. It was one of those ‘fake interview’ ones and had a woman interviewing a ‘doctor’ about sleep problems, with him eventually recommending some pill I’d never heard of. It was rather long, maybe two minutes, and was medium painful to watch.

Two things caught my attention: First of all, do they really think we’re dumb enough to fall for the ‘fake interview’ format? Frankly, it just lacks imagination. What they really need is a commercial where someone takes the pill and sleeps so soundly, the various monsters in his room don’t bother trying to wake him up. They start sneaking up, see the box, and basically say ‘crap, he took Vxidndx. Let’s not even bother.’ It would be even better if you see them go into someone else’s room and then there were the sounds of screaming and tearing flesh. That’s a commercial I’d watch.

Secondly, though it can’t recall the name of the sleep aid they were advertising, I do recall that it seemed to have a lot of ‘Zs’ and ‘Xs,’ possibly to make it sound more extreme. However, my first thought upon seeing the name was ‘that sounds like something Cthulhu would endorse.’

This, of course, is a fantastic idea. The Great Old Ones slumber away, awaiting the call to rise and destroy/devour/play basketball with the world. Who better to promote a sleep aid?

Tomorrow: Part 2

Dollhouse

So what do you all think of Dollhouse? I know there’s a lot of love for Firefly and Buffy/Angel out there, but I’m curious. Everyone I know is basically shrugging and waiting, hoping it improves with time. It certainly hasn’t impressed me the way the first Fireflies or Buffy did.

The whole premise hangs on Eliza Dushku being interesting as different characters. I think Dushku is a decent actress, but so far the characters she’s portrayed haven’t been particularly compelling. Let’s see, there was a negotiator (and I’m sorry, she meets the man who kidnapped her original imprinter? A bit of a stretch), a sporty-girl, and a back-up singer. I’m kinda ‘meh’ on the whole lot.

Her handler (Henry J. Lennix) is cool and has had the most interesting character development so far. Amy Acker is great in the little bit she’s been in. I do think the ‘disgraced FBI agent’ storyline is a little too reminiscent of Agent Mulder on the X-Files.

There have been a few neat tidbits. I was wondering in the last episode if Dushku was going to rescue the singer or Sierra (she said ‘I need to rescue my friend,’ so I wasn’t sure who she meant, which got my attention).

Pretty much, I’m going to give it a season and see what happens. Joss Whedon hasn’t disappointed me yet, so I’m willing to let it ride and hope he delivers.

Thoughts?
-Jason

It Is Near

Just in case you haven't been paying attention: Watchmen. Friday.

A group expedition is already being organized among my friends for a group outing. I'm sure the theater will be packed, but hey, it's the Watchmen.

Just in case you haven't seen it:


Cheers,
-Jason

March

I was originally going to go for a pun on 'time marches on,' but decided against it. It just seemed to easy and seeing as how you all are intelligent, erudite folks, I did not wish to insult you. Granted, that does not explain last week's 'Were-Nerd' posts, but there you go.

Well, another busy week has passed and another is lining up. We did just get our delivery of issues #4 and #5 and they look good. You can order them from IndyPlanet if you're so inclined or make the trek to Emerald City Comic Con or Stumptown Comic Con to buy them directly from us (which we will be happy to autograph).

Of course, if you do buy them from us, you'll not only get cool comics, but will be able to brag to your friends that you bought the books directly from us back in the day, before we were famous multi-millionaires. "Oh, yes," you'll say. "I did get them at ECCC '09, back when nobody knew who Jason and Leigh were. They were very nice, though there was a strange, faint odor of cheese about them."

Look for a new page on Tuesday and the usual blogginess during the rest of the week.

Cheers,
-Jason