Never #2

Please be warned, I’m going to talk about poop in this blog. So if you’re easily offended (which begs the question of why you’re reading my blog in the first place) by the word ‘poop’ or its various other forms, such as ‘pooping’ or ‘pooped,’ read no further.

NOTE: I will probably not use the words ‘pooper,’ ‘poop-tastic’ or ‘poop-itations.’ No, I don’t actually know what that means.

Anyway, last weekend we had a small get-together to celebrate a friend’s birthday. During said celebration, the subject of sleep came up, followed by dreams, followed by dreaming you have to pee, but can’t find a bathroom.

We all agreed that this stank, especially in the rare occasions when you actually do successfully ‘go,’ but then just have to go some more. Even worse is when you have to go while being chased by zombies with cameras. Then again, that might be just me.

All of us have had this experience, but it occurred to me that I had never had a dream were I had to poop really badly and woke up needing to poop. No one else in the room had either.

Why is that? Are we just hard wired to not poop in our sleep? And while we’re on the subject, can you sneeze when you’re asleep? If you’re a sleep-walker, can you sleep-walk to the bathroom and pee and/or poop while you’re asleep? If you sneeze when you’re sleep-walking, can you wake yourself up by sneezing? Can you sneeze so hard that you poop yourself?

I don’t know, I just think this is interesting (I was going to say ‘fascinating,’ but I don’t want to use ‘fascinate’ and ‘poop’ in the same context). The human body is a weird, wonderful vessel. It is both amazingly tough and surprisingly vulnerable. It is an adaptable, flexible machine with some truly astounding abilities and features.

And then there’s ear-hair, which kind of throws things for a loop.

Cheers,
-Jason