Thursday, February 26, 2009

Were-Nerd: Part 3

On the surface, this doesn’t seem too bad. You suddenly develop super powers, fly around, fight evil-doers, and hang out with super-heroines in amazingly tight outfits. And then it ends. You get to go back to your regular life, which admittedly, might be pretty nice. The bad part, though, is that the evil-doers just might figure out who you are. You may be Zorro with a stapler, but that won’t stop someone who calls himself ‘The Testiculator.’

Were-Opposing Political Party
You’re a staunch Republican. A banker or executive. You wear suits even when you don’t have to. Yet, once a month, you wake up behind a vegetarian restaurant in a tie-dyed shirt with a placard protesting off-shore drilling. If you’re a Democrat, reverse what I just wrote. Considering how often the far-right and far left verbally abuse each other, a bite here and there is not out of the question.

If you occasionally wake up in a rainbow-colored wig and a large red nose, you might be a were-clown. You will be driven to seek out children’s parties and attempt to twist balloons into amusing animal shapes. You will try magic tricks, cream-pies, and oversize shoes in an attempt to get somebody, anybody to laugh. Unfortunately, coulrophobia (the fear of clowns) is rather common, so expect a lot of screaming.

Were-Bad Skateboarder
Once a month, you have an inexplicable urge to skateboard, knowing full well that you stink at it. You end up doing something shown below and accruing a hefty hospital fee.

When the full-moon appears on the horizon, you won’t know it, as you’ll be too busy leveling your main in WoW, playing the latest JRPG, or figuring out which Prestige Class to take with your wizard. On the plus side, if you have kids, you’ll actually be able to understand what they’re talking about. On the other hand, you still won’t be able to get a date.


When the full-moon appears on the horizon, you won’t know it, as you’ll be too busy leveling your main in WoW, playing the latest JRPG, or figuring out which Prestige Class to take with your wizard. On the plus side, if you have kids, you’ll actually be able to understand what they’re talking about. On the other hand, you still won’t be able to get a date.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Were-Nerd: Part 2

There is probably a lot of wish-fulfillment going on as well. Those who feel powerless might like to imagine that deep down, they’re a rampaging mountain of muscle and primal fury (or a Jedi)(or better yet, a were-Jedi). Dave in accounting might not be so dismissive if he knew what lurked beneath that meek, pasty façade.

At any rate, nobody ever turns into a wimpy or weak creature. Frankly, if there were werewolves, werebears, and werelinebackers running around, it would be equally likely that there would be just as many inoffensive were-creatures as well.

So, in that spirit, here’s my list of the top eight worst were creatures to be bitten by:

You dig holes, watch the countryside, and occasionally are attacked by something bigger (ie, most everything). Very, very few advantages for this were creature. On the plus side, they’re kinda cute, so you’re less likely to automatically get beaten to death with a shovel if you’re discovered.

This does beg the question as to how one would be bitten by a goldfish, but we are talking about were-critters here. If you change on dry-land, you’re pretty much boned. If you change in water, you’re also pretty boned, as something larger will try and eat you. You’re best hope is to be scooped up by a ten-year-old and be put in a bowl, though the change back will be interesting at best.

Once a month, you get very, very old and can’t remember where you left the remote, much less how to use it. Modern culture varies between being confusing and frightening and the music sounds like yelling. On the plus side, you get to eat cheap and get into the movies at a reduced price.

Tomorrow: The Conclusion

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Were-Nerd: Part 1

You know the scene: There’s a full moon and a buxom young woman in an inexplicably tight dress is running along the moors. She stops, panting, hand on a tree trunk, and looks behind her. A howl is heard in the distance and she shrieks, before taking off again.

And then, for no readily apparent reason, her clothes fall off.

Quick: What’s chasing her?
a) A chicken with a cold and a bad leg
b) No one, she’s just out for a jog and couldn’t find her sweats
c) A werewolf
d) All of the above

The answer is of course: d.

No, wait, c. The answer is definitely c (though a and b are not unreasonable).

This seems to be pretty standard fare. Man turns into werewolf, man eats people, man chases girlfriend/random female, man is eventually captured, rehabilitated and sold as a pet.

NOTE: Not many movies with female werewolves out there. Wolfen, way back in ’81. That terrible one with Christina Ricci (Cursed), and Ginger Snaps I and II (which rock). There was also Cat People with Nastassja Kinski, which obviously had cats. Can’t think of any others. In Underworld, you never see a single female werewolf (though there are tons of female vampires).

At any rate, my point (and I have one) is that were-critters are always big, strong, vicious beasts. Psychologists would probably say that were-things are representative of the innate savagery and suppressed animal urges of the modern human. Regardless, it’s probably not because girls dig guys with hairy backs.

Tomorrow: Were-Nerd: Part 2

Monday, February 23, 2009

Klingon Nightschool

This was sent to my by my good friend Beth, who is our resident queen of sci-fi.

It's apparently been around for a while, but still quite funny.

Frankly, the teacher should have beaten up the student that was cheating. That's what a real Klingon would have done!


Sunday, February 22, 2009

That Time of Year

As I've mentioned before, con season is starting up again. We'll be at the Emerald City Comicon and Stump Town Comic Con in April. We will let you know as other cons are lined up throughout the year.

Other than that, things are pretty busy here at Single Edge Studios. We're working hard on Issue #6 and looking forward to releasing our first Trade Paperback of all our issues so far.

Look for a new page on Tuesday and the usual blogging sillyness (hint: were-creatures).


Thursday, February 19, 2009


So, while in the bathroom today, I had the greatest idea ever. Granted, it was not necessary for me to inform of where I was when I had the idea, but I was being honest. I could have lied and said ‘while saving a busload of orphans from an anaconda, I had the greatest idea ever.’ True, you probably wouldn’t have believed me. You probably would have if I’d started it with ‘just after being shot down by the hot teller at the supermarket etc.’ That just means I tell you people too much, though.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The greatest idea ever. Here it is: create a business that is both a mortuary and an accounting firm. Not impressed? Here’s the kicker, call it ‘Death and Taxes.’

Ah, the sound of eyes rolling. The even better part? The slogan: ‘The two things you can’t avoid – in one!’

This is just too perfect for words. Some people may say starting a business on a pun might not be wise, but when have I ever let common sense hold me back?

Yes, it was a long day at work.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Yeti Fashion

Whilst on the way to work the other morning, I was listening to the radio and the DJ was talking about the new trend among the fashion conscious. Apparently, thick eyebrows are now the look. The DJ went on to list a few celebrities that were sporting the new fasion, but I was too stunned to pay attention.

I was stunned, because inadvertently, I had become fashionable.

You see, I have the eyebrows of a yeti. A hairy yeti at that. A yet who, as a child, other yeti would make fun of for being hairy. A yeti who’s electrologist aunt would go into fits whenever she saw him. A yeti, who upon being spotted by explorers would hear ‘My god, is that a yeti? Impossible, it’s too hairy!’

NOTE: Electrolysis is the process wherein hair is removed by summoning the ‘follicle spirit’ and then defeating it in hand-to-hand combat, not unlike a more violent exorcism. If the electrologist is successful, the follicle demon is destroyed and the hair withers and dies. If unsuccessful, the patient gets renewed hair growth in their ears.

NOTE: The preceding note is completely untrue (though I would be willing to bet that my aunt could kick the snot out of a follicle demon).

So, for perhaps the first time in my life, I could claim to be ‘in.’ It was strange. I wondered what to do with my newfound powers of fashion. I could end world hunger. Fix the economy. Or even, dare I say it, get a date.

Regardless, you have my solemn promise that I will only use my eyebrows for good. I will uphold the Constitution of these United States to the best of my ability. Truth, justice, and eyebrows for all.

Unless, of course, women go for evil. In which case, you’re doomed.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Spear For You, Sir

A good friend of mine sent me the following tidbit today:

Picture this: Elton John, Jane Austen and a space predator!

Trend alert! First there was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Now comes news that Elton John's Rocket Pictures has set Will Clark to direct Pride and Predator, which mixes Jane Austen-period costume drama with an alien crash landing.

According to Variety, the alien will butcher the mannered protagonists, who suddenly have more than marriage and inheritance to worry about.

Shooting will begin in London later this year. John, executive-producer, and his Rocket partners Steve Hamilton Shaw and David Furnish are producing.

Clark, who directed the award-winning short The Amazing Trousers, wrote the script with Andrew Kemble and John Pape.

John will supervise the music, as he does in each Rocket-produced film.


Yes, you read that correctly. A Predator film set in Victorian England. Anyone who read a Jane Austin novel in college will appreciate the subtle, deliciousness of it all.

The Scene: A garden party at the Featherton von Bueller-Frankenstein estate, where a party celebrating the young master’s return from London is taking place.

“I say, Cecil! A smashing party!”

“I couldn’t agree more, Cedric. Why every eligible young lady from here to Northampton is in attendance.”

“Yes. Mayhap we should speak to one of them?”

“Are you daft? One does not simple ‘speak’ to the fairest flowers in the land. One simply enjoys their company.”

“Errr, yes, I suppose so. Still, I mean, we’re . . . ummm, Cecil?”


“Who’s that rather tall, armored fellow at the door?”

“The one with the spear?”

“Yes. Do we know him?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“Hmm, and yet he just ran your butler through the body.”’

“He did? Curses! Now I shall have to procure a new one!”

“And he just bludgeoned your auntie with her yorkie.”

“I say!”

“Oh, look. Basil’s gone to have a word with him.”

“Excellent! Basil played rugby at Oxford. He’ll straighten him out!”

“Save that somehow Basil’s head has just disintegrated.”

“Without an introduction? How rude!”

“Quite! Say, did you have three small red dots on your forehead before?”

“I don’t belie-“

“Cecil, I believe you’re bleeding on me. Cecil? Oh bugger.”


Monday, February 16, 2009


Well, we (Leigh, myself, his wife, assorted friends) went and saw Coraline in 3D this Saturday. It was a fun film and the 3D looked fantastic! That is, once I stopped trying to look at the backgrounds and just watch the main characters, that is.

It was a touch slow at places, but I highly recommend seeing it in 3D!

In other news, Issues #4 and #5 are up on the Indy Planet website for purchase! Be the first on your block to own a complete set! Seriously!

In other, other news, we will be appearing at two conventions in May. First up is the Emerald City Comic Con, followed by Stumptown! We will be there both days for each con and will be happy to sign books! Leigh will also have some prints to sell and I will be writing sentences as usual.

So if you can make it to either (or both), please come on by! We'll be the two nerds sitting at a table full of comics (which should narrow it down).

Look for a new page tomorrow and the usual blogs throughout the rest of the week.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

St. Fructus' Day

I must protest.

Valentine’s Day is coming up and once again, I am single. No, I’m not protesting that, rather I’m protesting the advertising that makes it painfully clear that I’m single.

Jewelers, florists, chocolatiers, lingerie-ists, haberdashers, fishmongers and dining establishments of all kinds are flooding the airwaves with messages about getting that someone special something special, preferably from them. They also subtly imply that if you don’t spend money on a suitable gift, you’ll die alone, but I digress.

That’s all well and good. I have nothing against retailers making a buck. However, the advertisements all smack of coupleism, which is not only a new word I made up, but the practice of making single people feel left out.

NOTE: I was going to call it ‘one-is-the-loneliest-number-ism’ but that was just too damn long.

Rather than concentrate on the negative (chili for one, yet again tonight), I decided to make that negative into a positive, by multiplying it with another negative.

NOTE: I think that’s how it works, right? Negative times a negative equals a positive? That’s why I majored in English and not bridge building.

I hereby submit that single people should get their own holiday: St. Frutus’ Day. St. Fructus was a wealthy young man who gave away all his stuff and went to live as a hermit on a mountain side, possibly because he couldn’t get a date.

Yes, there were a lot of saints that did that, but none of them had as great a name as ‘Fructus.’ Actually, it makes a great fake swear word as well. Fructus!

St. Fructus’ Day would be August 14th, an even six-months after Valentine’s Day and would be celebrated by having single people give each other computer games, comic-books, action movies, and lightsabers (or any other Star Wars merchandise). St. Fructus’ Day greeting cards could also be exchanged (May your Epic Shoulder Piece drop in your WoW raid!) and restaurants could have Fructus’ Day specials (a bowl of chili and a Snicker’s bar).

So, enjoy your boring, love-filled Valentine’s Day. I’m looking ahead to a happy Fructus Day!


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Weather

I am officially done with snow.

For about two weeks during Christmas, we had several feet of snow. I was fun at first, not unlike going to a freezing, dangerous amusement park where the rides would suddenly careen out of control and kill you (but in a good way). I took a couple of walks, leveled my Pally, and generally enjoyed the crisp white blanked of frozen death that glittered outside my window.

It was at least different, and I got a free day off from work, so ‘yay,’ as they say in the vernacular.

It has, however, snowed again. Not as much as the first time, but enough to close a few schools and put a nice layer of ice across my apartment complex. It sucked and I’m tired of it.

I can deal with rain. I can deal with lots of rain. I can even deal with the fact that in Washington, where it rains all the time, few people actually know how to drive in it.

NOTE: It’s weird. Washington drivers in most regards are extremely patient, polite people, but put an inch or so of rain down and suddenly they’re either moving at a crawl or driving like maniacs.

Snow, however you slice it, just sucks. I’m sure someone is reading this and mentally preparing a rebuttal about how snow is nature’s wonderful, edible dandruff, but I must stand firm in my distaste.

Hopefully, we will have a nice long, warm summer. Granted, I’ll then just complain about the heat, but there you go.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

You've Got the Tools to Fix This

What happened to Chester Cheetah?

If you don’t know, Chester Cheetah was the loveable (well, semi-loveable) animated mascot for Cheetos. He engaged in a variety of wacky hi-jinks in pursuit of Cheetos, much the same way that Lucky hoarded his Lucky Charms, Sonny was coo-coo for Coco-Puffs, and the guy from Scarface was crazy for cocaine.

NOTE: Tony Montana REALLY loved his cocaine. And his ‘little friend.’

NOTE: His ‘little friend’ was a machine gun. He may have been over-compensating.

This is a commercial featuring Chester from 1991:

Compare that to one of the latest Cheeto’s commercials:

Sure, Chester’s pretty harmless. He’s just encouraging a bit of tomfoolery, but what happens next? What happens when a Cheeto up the nose isn’t enough? Will they start finding bodies with crusty orange handprints on their necks or meat cleavers with their blades embedded in skulls and handles covered in delicious, orange powder?

All I’m saying is that the Son of Sam said his dog told me to do it. Let’s just pray Chester doesn’t snap, otherwise, orange death in a snack-food format.


Monday, February 9, 2009

Ice Age 3

This particular video came from a thread on the Wayfarer's Moon Forum.

The first Ice Age was cute, though I haven't seen the second. The rat-squirrel, in all his pathos (a modern day Wile E. Coyote) however, is a favorite of mine. He tries and tries and never gives up, though he does (sort of) succeed in the clip below:


Sunday, February 8, 2009

Another One Gone

Well, Monday is fast approaching, looks like another weekend bit the dust. It went fast, too. We ended up hanging out at a friend's house on Saturday night, which involved a lot of discussion about Galactica, Lost, Heroes, and various other tv shows I don't watch.

There is just nothing out there that grabs me anymore. I'm kind of fond of the Sarah Conner Chronicles and I'll give Dollhouse a chance (Joss Whedon!), but there's nothing I'm religious about. Buffy and Angel were the last ones I watched with regularity. I'm still gunshy with Firefly and Farscape, I guess. Great shows that were executed before their time (though we did get 4 seasons of Farscape).

Look for a new page on Tuesday and the usual blogs the rest of the week.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Commercial Dexterity

There’s a commercial I see every once in a while which features a paper-cutting board. You know, one of those ones where you put the paper onto the board and then slice it with the little roller thing. Assuming the paper is aligned correctly on the board, the cut will be a perfect 90 degrees. Pretty much all the schools have them nowadays, rather than the ‘pirate specials’ where instead of the roller thing, there was an actual blade you guillotined the paper with (and, if you weren’t paying attention, cut your hand off as well).

NOTE: If you happen to remember the ‘pirate specials,’ did you ever heft one of those blades when it wasn’t attached to the board? Those things were murderous! If there had ever been a zombie attack at my high school, I would have grabbed one and started looking for a cheerleader to save.

Anyway, the commercial in question has a line like ‘tired of being unable to cut a straight line?’ and shows a pair of hands with scissors cutting a piece of paper. However, instead of cutting a marginally crooked like (like most of us would), the person attached to the hands apparently had an epileptic fit and just massacred the paper.

This is an example of ‘Commercial Dexterity,’ where an otherwise mundane task is demonstrated in the most ludicrously ham-handed fashion possible. There’s another one for a vegetable peeler, where the hands use a butcher knife to carve huge sections out of a potato (and yet, don’t cut themselves). I would be willing to bet a pirate with a blunt cutlass and a wooden leg on deck during a hurricane could peel a potato better than the hands did.

I’m waiting for a commercial where a pair of hands attempts to mop a floor ‘the old-fashioned’ way and the mop actually explodes, setting the house on fire. Which, frankly, would be a pretty cool commercial.

It just amuses me that the commercial people think that they need that to sell their product. Y’know, if it’s a good product and it works, just show us that!


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Terrible, Awful News

You should probably sit down before I tell you this. Are you sitting? Are you sure?


Recent events have led me to a horrible, inescapable conclusion, one that I sure will shock and appall you. It seems that Michael Phelps, winner of some seventeen-thousand gold medals for swimming, and Christian Bale, an actor noted for being Batman, are human beings.

No, it’s true. I was incredulous as you were, but it seems that irrefutable evidence of their humanity has surfaced.

A picture of Phelps surfaced, showing the swimmer with a bong. It’s so shocking, to think that a young guy like Phelps may have actually encountered and perhaps used, illicit drugs. Next thing you know, someone will claim that he’s had ‘relations’ with a girl. No, that’s just too implausible. A gold-medal athlete would never, ever actually touch a girl. I think it’s in the rules.

And Christian ‘Batman’ Bale has fallen as well. Unlikely though it seems, he apparently lost his temper and yelled at someone. He even used a ‘curse word,’ though I have no idea where he would have learned such a thing. Even worse, we all know how strict Hollywood is about these things. The guy might never work again. So sad.

So, to reiterate:

Michael Phelps and Christian Bale are people. They may very well make questionable decisions or have a bad day.

Next thing you know, Brittany Spears will be revealed to be just as flawed as the rest of us. Yeah, right!


Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Sometimes, when I’m hammered (busy, not drunk) at work or just generally down, I’ll think about one of my favorite things and feel much better. That thing? I haven’t seen a political ad in almost three months! Oh, I’m all for the democratic process and all that, but the political ads were driving me nuts. They even had ads during cartoons, which seemed pointless and hopeful at the same time:

“Hey kids! When you’re old enough to vote, remember John Johnston! And now, back to a mouse hitting a cat with a brick!”

However, a new, even more sinister string of ads has cropped up, almost making me wish for the glory days of ’08: The Franklin Mint Obama Coin ads.

It seems like there are a million of these and they play them constantly. Granted, they may only play them during shows I like, which might mean something, but I digress.

Apparently, the Franklin Mint has put Obama’s image on anything that doesn’t move (or doesn’t move quite fast enough). He’s on the quarter and half-dollar, possibly the fifty-cent piece, and the dime (though it’s so small, it’s just his nose and right eye). There are whole sets of coins featuring Obama on various denominations, as well as stamps, envelopes, seals (both the animal and the stamp), gift totes, wine bottles, and shaved Chihuahuas.

NOTE: Some of the preceding examples were made up. I’m not telling you which.

The scary part is that somebody has to be buying these things. The amount of commercials they’re playing has to cost a pretty penny, so they have to be moving a lot of Commemorative Obama Presidential Salad Tongs to pay for them.

Granted, if they had a Commemorative Presidential Battle Axe, I would totally get one.


Monday, February 2, 2009


Okay, I have no clue what this is and I can't decide if it's awesomely horrible or horribly awesome, but here's Yatterman!

This is a shorter trailer than the one I originally saw and doesn't have as much of the fighting, but there's still enough weirdness to make me go 'huh?' I have no clue what the plot's about (or if there is one), but you can't go wrong with CG robots beating the snot out of each other.


Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Good Weekend

Hey all,

I can't speak for Leigh, but I had a pretty good weekend. I got my Ret Pally to 72 and actually got quite a bit done on a side project (Shoes for Fish).

I also watched 'Death Race' Saturday night, which was surprisingly fun. It has a lot of plot holes (car sized ones, naturally), but the vehicle combat scenes were really cool. As an old Car Wars player, I can appreciate a .50 mounted on a sports car. If you're looking for extremely mindless fun, it's not a bad flick.

Look for a new page on Tuesday and the usual mindless blogs later in the week.