Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Yeti Fashion

Whilst on the way to work the other morning, I was listening to the radio and the DJ was talking about the new trend among the fashion conscious. Apparently, thick eyebrows are now the look. The DJ went on to list a few celebrities that were sporting the new fasion, but I was too stunned to pay attention.

I was stunned, because inadvertently, I had become fashionable.

You see, I have the eyebrows of a yeti. A hairy yeti at that. A yet who, as a child, other yeti would make fun of for being hairy. A yeti who’s electrologist aunt would go into fits whenever she saw him. A yeti, who upon being spotted by explorers would hear ‘My god, is that a yeti? Impossible, it’s too hairy!’

NOTE: Electrolysis is the process wherein hair is removed by summoning the ‘follicle spirit’ and then defeating it in hand-to-hand combat, not unlike a more violent exorcism. If the electrologist is successful, the follicle demon is destroyed and the hair withers and dies. If unsuccessful, the patient gets renewed hair growth in their ears.

NOTE: The preceding note is completely untrue (though I would be willing to bet that my aunt could kick the snot out of a follicle demon).

So, for perhaps the first time in my life, I could claim to be ‘in.’ It was strange. I wondered what to do with my newfound powers of fashion. I could end world hunger. Fix the economy. Or even, dare I say it, get a date.

Regardless, you have my solemn promise that I will only use my eyebrows for good. I will uphold the Constitution of these United States to the best of my ability. Truth, justice, and eyebrows for all.

Unless, of course, women go for evil. In which case, you’re doomed.

Cheers,
-Jason

5 comments:

Gillsing said...

Whatever you do, do it fast, before your magnificent eyebrows become sooo last week/year/decade.

Jerron said...

I do like the fluidity of your morals. :) Principles, discipline, honor... Unless something else might get you laid. Where's the nearest garbage can big enough for this load of truth & justice?

(Probably right near capital hill...)

Jason Janicki said...

True! Now I just need a 7-gallons of Tabasco sauce and a fedora . . .

I am a simple creature :)

Jerron said...

7 gallons? Wow. Even I only used to put 5 in a batch of chili. That's impressive...

Er, depending, I suppose. What're you planning on *doing* with the tobasco, before I get too impressed...?

Jason Janicki said...

Taking over the free world. Granted, it has to be the 'right' tabasco sauce, but there you go :)