Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Were-Nerd: Part 2

There is probably a lot of wish-fulfillment going on as well. Those who feel powerless might like to imagine that deep down, they’re a rampaging mountain of muscle and primal fury (or a Jedi)(or better yet, a were-Jedi). Dave in accounting might not be so dismissive if he knew what lurked beneath that meek, pasty façade.

At any rate, nobody ever turns into a wimpy or weak creature. Frankly, if there were werewolves, werebears, and werelinebackers running around, it would be equally likely that there would be just as many inoffensive were-creatures as well.

So, in that spirit, here’s my list of the top eight worst were creatures to be bitten by:

You dig holes, watch the countryside, and occasionally are attacked by something bigger (ie, most everything). Very, very few advantages for this were creature. On the plus side, they’re kinda cute, so you’re less likely to automatically get beaten to death with a shovel if you’re discovered.

This does beg the question as to how one would be bitten by a goldfish, but we are talking about were-critters here. If you change on dry-land, you’re pretty much boned. If you change in water, you’re also pretty boned, as something larger will try and eat you. You’re best hope is to be scooped up by a ten-year-old and be put in a bowl, though the change back will be interesting at best.

Once a month, you get very, very old and can’t remember where you left the remote, much less how to use it. Modern culture varies between being confusing and frightening and the music sounds like yelling. On the plus side, you get to eat cheap and get into the movies at a reduced price.

Tomorrow: The Conclusion


TX_Val said...

Yeah, but would you get the knowledge that comes with being old? Well that some people get with being old. That would be the big question. Well, that and will you remember it. Maybe leave yourself some notes. Save more, take out the trash, get some real damn music, GET OFF MY.. OUR..THE LAWN!

Well, have to wait for the rest of the list before chiming in on some. .

The Mess said...

I wrote story called, "Revenge of the Were-Guppies!" once.

Were-guppies, man! Were-guppies! They have all the powers of guppies, but the primal rage of men! I don't need to tell you what kind of horror this could result in.

I also wrote a story about mutant bananas conquering the world, but they were were-bananas, so it's not directly relevant.

Gillsing said...

Were-Goldfish reminded me of a guy in a certain webcomic called "Sea of Insanity".

It's much less aquatic than you might believe, and apparently it's been updated in recent months, after years of inactivity. Good for me! :-)

Jason Janicki said...

Well, you would have all the knowledge, but wouldn't be able to remember it! Hence the horror!

I do love your 'They have all the powers of guppies, but the primal rage of men!' I may steal that in the future. Sounds like a good superhero-spoof. 'Fury of the Guppie!'

Thanks, Gillsing! I'll check it out!

The_Mess said...

Sea of Insanity is back? Yay!