Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Terrible, Awful News

You should probably sit down before I tell you this. Are you sitting? Are you sure?

Okay.

Recent events have led me to a horrible, inescapable conclusion, one that I sure will shock and appall you. It seems that Michael Phelps, winner of some seventeen-thousand gold medals for swimming, and Christian Bale, an actor noted for being Batman, are human beings.

No, it’s true. I was incredulous as you were, but it seems that irrefutable evidence of their humanity has surfaced.

A picture of Phelps surfaced, showing the swimmer with a bong. It’s so shocking, to think that a young guy like Phelps may have actually encountered and perhaps used, illicit drugs. Next thing you know, someone will claim that he’s had ‘relations’ with a girl. No, that’s just too implausible. A gold-medal athlete would never, ever actually touch a girl. I think it’s in the rules.

And Christian ‘Batman’ Bale has fallen as well. Unlikely though it seems, he apparently lost his temper and yelled at someone. He even used a ‘curse word,’ though I have no idea where he would have learned such a thing. Even worse, we all know how strict Hollywood is about these things. The guy might never work again. So sad.

So, to reiterate:

Michael Phelps and Christian Bale are people. They may very well make questionable decisions or have a bad day.

Next thing you know, Brittany Spears will be revealed to be just as flawed as the rest of us. Yeah, right!

Cheers,
-Jason

9 comments:

Lurklen said...

I'm not sure whay anyones shocked by their behaviour, Phelps isn't in competition right now and he won Eight gold medals hes got a right to loosen up a bit.

And Christian Bales an actor and the guy screwed up his scene, Knowing Bales work he was probably being really intense at something and then someguy starts wandering into his view and he just blew his top, he's an actor he's supposed to be an over dramatic premadonna.

TX_val said...

Yeah, The phelps thing is a joke as far as I'm concerned. If he wanted to be a jerk, he's say there was nothing it it or "I didn't inhale," but instead he said.. ops, you caught me, I'm a bad boy, i'm sorry. I'm glad the companies he's contracted to advertise for didn't bail on him.
The Bale thing bothers me a little more, because it just seems to feed into the hollywood babies thing. I like bale's work, but the more I read about his outbursts (this not being the first) you start thinking he's not the stand up guy you'd hope for. I don't care either way, I don't work in that industry because I can't put up with the premadonna attitudes. I wasn't there, so he might have had every right to be pissed at this guy, but it does sound like he went over board.

Then again.. I wasn't there..
I'm still more interested in the terrorist Birds..

MOOO
Listen to your inner bovine, give into the MOO.

Virginia said...

Oh, no! Say it isn't so!! How dare you call them human beings! Human beings don't belong on pedestals!!!

/sarcasm

(Sorry. First post from a random reader, and I couldn't help but comment on this. XD)

Anonymous said...

Oh, No! Now kids will think it's okay to smoke pot! When their parents say they'll never amount to anything, they'll say, "Or... I could be a gold-medal Olympics athlete."

molly.

Jason Janicki said...

I hadn't heard that Bales had a history of histrionics, so that would change things. Lose temper once = accident. Lose temper a lot = possible jerk.

:) Virginia

Well, my point was that young people do dumb things. Should people smoke pot? No. Do they? Yes. Bad decisions are very much part of growing up. Phelps made a mistake, I don't think we need to crucify him for it.

TX_Val said...

HA, I like molly's point. I can't let my kids read this. .*runs to their computers*

Kammorremae said...

Bale definitely has a history. He was charged with assault against his mother and sister, not long after Dark Knight.

Charges were dropped.

That thing I sent you... said...

As for "Batman" Bale...clearly it was The Joker, or perhaps Catwoman, who taught him such words.

Now, go get your T-Shirt...'cause you're done working with him professionally.

http://site.despair.com/christianbale/

Anywhooo...the thing that struck me was the report that his berating of the guy when on for 4 minutes. That is commitment! Me, I rant for more than 2 minutes and I need a Gatorade.

Jason Janicki said...

Four minutes is pretty respectable., but then again, he is a trained actor.

Don't try this at home, kids! The Surgeon General warns that tiraades of over 130 seconds can lead to dizzyness, shortness of breath, facial injury, and abdominal pain from being severely beaten.