Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Mint Shield

Strangely enough, this is not the name of a magic item in WoW. It’s the flavor of my mouthwash. I recently ran out of mouthwash and bought a new Economy size bottle. I had just used the ‘green’ one, so I figured I’d branch out and try the ‘purple.’

NOTE: I buy the Economy size because it lasts me about a year. The downside is that a year is a long time if you discover you hate the flavor you chose. Curse you, blue swill!

Unfortunately, it was not grape-flavored. The makers apparently did not learn that ‘purple’ equals ‘grape flavor’ as children. Red is cherry, orange is orange, blue is something (I can’t remember), green is apple, and brown is dirt. I never did figure out what the black one was supposed to taste like.

Anyhow, I cracked open my new bottle of mouthwash last Sunday and gave it a try. It was yet another variation on mint. Why ‘mint’ equals ‘clean’ I’ll never know. I looked at the actual flavor and was surprised to learn that it was called Mint Shield.

And then, in yet another flash of inspiration, I had it. Gamer-oriented flavors. If Mountain Dew can market Game Fuel, why can’t mouthwash get a similar treatment? Or toothpaste? Or Girl Scout cookies? Or Motor Oil? Or grocery bags? Or those small rubber rings that you stick inside pipes so that the water doesn’t leak?

It’s easy! If it’s Mint Shield, call it +3 Shield of Mint! Would you rather brush with Regular Paste or Paste of the Titans? A ball cap becomes a Hat of Solar Protection. This can apply to any product! Boxers (as in underwear) become Shorts of Ventilation or Godly Shorts of the Whale.

As usual, if you’re a marketing executive, give me a call. I have a million of them.

Cheers,
-Jason

6 comments:

Lurklen said...

For some reason blue is always raspberry, some kind of mutant blue raspberry. I always liked the banana flavored antibiotic as a kid.

Kammorremae said...

http://guildwars.wikia.com/wiki/Candy_weapons

TX_Val said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TX_Val said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TX_Val said...

leaving out the link, it keeps cutting it off.
---

Yeah, there are a lot of things jumping on the stupid gamer wagon.
Foods and drinks and so on.

(link removed)

HERE YOU GO AGAIN...
you get mad at me for being weird about the "sexual" content of this comic, but it's been boobs boobs boobs lately.

Wish i would have found you guys when i was 12. :)

MOO

Jason Janicki said...

I love bananas, but for some reason, have never cared for banana flavored things. It just may be a texture issue (the mush, I would think), but there you go.

Heh, that's funny. It's always cool to see fun one-offs like that in games.

Nothin' wrong with boobs, TX_Val :) That's why we keep puttin' 'em in there.