So, tonight Leigh and I will be flying out to San Jose for Super-Con. Now, I hate to admit this, but flying always causes me a little trepidation.
I’m not entirely certain why.
I’m not afraid of terrorists. I think, as most red-blooded American men do, that if terrorists tried to take over the airplane I would be able to stop them. This is mainly because I always carry a large, hardbound book onto the plane with me. You can’t have a machete, but they will let you take 6-pounds of hard-backed paper.
Terrorist: I have a box knife, fear me!
Me: I’ve got volume 5 of the OED! Let’s go!
Cue sounds of someone being pummeled with a book.
Note: the OED is the Oxford English Dictionary and it is frickin’ huge.
I don’t worry about both pilots falling over dead at the same time, as Mythbusters has informed me that planes can now land themselves.
I don’t worry about gremlins tearing the wire out of the wings (Yes, I saw that William Shatner episode of The Twilight Zone as a kid. Yes, it freaked me out). I have been assured by several stewardesses that they have since installed anti-Gremlin measures onto all domestic and international flights.
I just think that it has something to do with being stuck in a giant, flimsy, metal cigar at 22,000 feet and thinking ‘I hope the guy that glued the wings on wasn’t having a bad day.’
Yes, I know the wings aren’t glued on. I’m pretty sure they use screws or something.
Hopefully, there will be some good con stories for next Monday.
Cheers,
-Jason
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7 comments:
Why would you carry and Oxford book? I'd say- carry one of these little bibles(an inch on inch on inch or something), and a concordance that way you can quote saying from the bible, find them using the concordance AND hit terrorists with it. Fact is, I have a problem lifting it from the shelf using 1 hand (and I'm not that weak, mind you)
I thought cruising altitude was 30,000-33,000 feet, which makes your situation even worse! Then again, a few thousand feet, give or take, won't make much difference.
Frankly, I just looked for the largest book on my shelf and the OED wins by a long shot.
Quoting from the Bible would be fun, but time consuming.
"All right, terrorist scum, as the Bible says 'Do not eat unto fruits past noon!' Uhhhh, wait, wrong passage, gimme a sec . . . " fumble, etc.
I have no idea how high airplanes actually fly. I just guessed at a number that sounds really high :)
Well, as the wife of a guy who "glues" the wings together, I just HAD to jump in and help you out a little....
The wings are held together with a lot of little tiny rivets, which is what holds em to the plane. But, I thought that as a fan of flying, you would LOVE to know that composite (think: plastic) planes ARE glued together!!
And other than "glue", what holds them together? A SINGLE (yes, just ONE) rivet where the cockpit meets the fuselage.
HAPPY FLYING!!!!
Great! Now I can think about that rivet the whole time I'm flying :)
It's called a chicken rivet - because it is made from an alloy of aluminum and chicken bone.
Seriously, the FAA doesn't trust the 'glue guy' either, so they make him drill a hole and install a chicken rivet - which actually makes the airframe weaker...
I know now far too much about how airplanes are put together for my own good :)
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