Nerds of Yore: Part 2

The Punic Flame War

Many of you, I’m sure, know of the various Punic wars, where Rome and Carthage did battle over who could make the most atrocious puns.

I’m kidding of course. It had something to do with peanut butter. I think.

Anyhow, there was a much lesser known chapter of the 2nd Punic War called the Punic Flame War. While Scipio and Hannibal were vigorously trying to stab each other with armies, a flame war was going on, considered by many to be the greatest flame war of the Ancient world.

Scholars debate who drafted the first flame, but the earliest example found was sent to the Carthaginians by the Romans.

It reads, in part: HANNIBAL SMELLS OF ELEPHANT POO! SCIPIO IS TEH ROXORUS!

The Punic Flame War went on for a full twenty years, three years longer than the actual 2nd Punic War itself. While only two nerds actually died during the conflict (one choked on a fig, the other fell off a donkey), many fingers were smudged by ink and many a nerd was brought to tears by the cruel words of his foes.

As is the case with modern flame wars, no one really won the Punic Flame War. The participants either grew bored with it and turned their attention to the Dragonball IIV forum or were forced to work in the family amphora shop under threat of being kicked out of the house.

Though the names of these ancient flame warriors will probably never be discovered (save for Maximus Flattulus, one of the most prolific of the Romans), it is agreed that the Punic Flame War is one of the most important periods in nerd history.

Later: Medieval Nerds