Whilst on the plane home from San Jose, I found a newspaper stuffed in the little magazine holder in front of me. I casually flipped through it and noticed the advice column. It had the standard ‘husband problem,’ ‘kid problem,’ and ‘mucous beast from other dimension problem’ that are the primary kinds of letters featured.
It then occurred to me that it would be funny to write in with some bizarre problem and ask for advice. However, they probably quite a few extremely weird letters, so mine would probably not rate very highly.
Then, being a nerd, I wondered who orcs would turn to when they desperately needed advice? Who would they trust with their innermost thoughts and feelings?
Gorg,
There is an orc in my unit that I hate. He always pushes me and tries to steal my food. What should I do?
Thork
Dear Thork,
Kill him and eat his entrails.
Gorg,
Sometimes the other orcs make fun of me because I like flowers. I just think they’re pretty (the flowers, not the orcs) and like to put them on my armor. How can I get them to stop making fun of me?
Orc with Flower
Dear Orc with Flower,
Kill them and eat their entrails. If you kill enough of them, no one will laugh at you for liking flowers.
Tomorrow: Part 2
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1 comment:
Gorg,
I hate all this killing that the other Orcs like so much and most of all I hate eating entrails every day. I want to become a vegetarian!
What should I do?
The Vegie Orc
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