Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Will Create Doomsday Weapon for Food: Part 2

You could try and sell your wares to established dictators and tyrants. The problem, though, is that by the time they’re established, they’ve probably already got an evil scientist or two already on staff. You’d just end up being the new guy who’s probably going to get blown up in an ‘accident’ involving a prototype gun that shoots monkeys-tipped sharks.

Ideally, you would find an overlord who’s just staring out. The question then becomes where, exactly, do you find them? Bars would be a good place to start, as would bail bondsman, mortuaries, or grocery stores (even overlords need to do their shopping). Once a likely candidate was found, you’d just need to introduce yourself and casually mention the whole ‘evil’ thing.

For example: a university mixer.

‘Hi.’

‘Uh, hello.’

‘Nice goatee.’

‘Thanks.’

‘I’m Dr. Manfred von Doom. I specialize in creating extremely large freezing rays and various other cold-based weapons.’

‘Umm, Bob Smith. I’m in insurance.’

‘Really? Evil insurance?’

‘No. Just regular insurance.’

‘Ah. Have you ever considered evil as a career? I mean, you’ve got that whole ‘evil look’ going.’

‘Are you hitting on me?’

Granted, you’ll probably get beaten up a lot, but it will all be worth it in the long run when you have a nice, shiny lab, a suitably deformed assistant, and access the most advanced brain melting technology on the planet.

Frankly, it would all be a lot easier if Monster just had a proper ‘evil’ section.

Cheers,
-Jason

2 comments:

Olly said...

Actually, we have an agency. Catering for both sides of the good/evil divide, it deals with henchman hire and outfitting, real estate for lairs and hideouts, fiendish plans and other information, monorail construction schemes - the works.
There's even a WLTM section to match up heroes and villains.

Jason Janicki said...

A link, man! I demand a link! And can I get a discount if I do a blog about the service?