Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Will Create Doomsday Weapon for Food: Part 1

As someone who works in the computer game industry, I’m sometimes forced to ask the tough questions. How many hit points should a pink ponysaurus have? If one were to fire a cow from a cannon, how many pieces of cow would hit the target? If an alien spacecraft leaves Rigel traveling at Warp 4 and a spacecraft leaves Omicron Persei 8 at Warp 6.7, how much of the Earth could the spacecraft that arrived first vaporize before the other got there?

Yes, my lot is a hard one.

One question that occurred the other day was a much simpler one: how do evil scientists find work?


Let’s pretend for just a moment that you’re not yourself. You are, in fact, a scientist of the ‘mad’ variety. Yes, you can merely be ‘eccentric’ if you prefer, though you’re the kind of eccentric that likes to bolt bits of things to metal tables and then wave them around in thunderstorms, just to see what happens.
So, anyway, you’re a scientist sufficiently mad enough to want to build a doomsday weapon (or three). Now, you don’t really want all the tedium of having minions, building an empire, fighting off the forces of good, or doing your own laundry, so you want the next best thing: you want to get hired by an evil overlord and build doomsday weapons for him. That way, you get the big, flashy lab and don’t have to bother with the details.

There’s only one problem: how do you find an evil overlord to work for? I’m pretty sure Monster.com doesn’t have an ‘evil scientist’ listing.

NOTE: I did a search for ‘evil’ on Monster.com and only found one listing for a Parking Enforcement Officer. Not terribly evil, as far as I’m concerned. I did get 93 hits for ‘lawyer’ though (3204 for ‘sex’).

You could, of course, do something sufficiently evil to get noticed, but that might land you in jail with a lot of people much bigger and stronger than you. It would be like high school all over again (and nobody wants that).

Tomorrow: Part 2

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