Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Well, the current news from my corner of the Pacific Northwest is: it’s hot. It’s frickin’ hot. I actually saw a small dog explode from the heat. Well, it was either that or cats have developed advanced missile technology, either is possible.

NOTE: I didn’t actually see a dog explode. I did see some sort of critter go off, but I can’t say with 100% certainty that it was a dog. It might have been a marmoset. Or a chupacabra. I dunno.

The joke is that I used to live in Fresno, California (The Raisin Capital of the World). It routinely got to 110° in the summer. Anything below 100° was ‘warm.’ Anything below 70° was practically sweater weather. Ice did not naturally occur in Fresno, it was something you got out of a soda machine.

Anyway, it may be just me, but the weather has been ‘mad scientist crazy’ lately. We had serious, deep snow several times during the winter and now it’s hotter than . . . well, not hell, but definitely much hotter than it has any right to be.

I would normally blame ninjas, but they’re worse off than most, what with the black, full-body pajamas. I could also blame Canada, but I already blamed them for the cold snap we had, so that would be redundant.

Therefore, I choose to blame the guy in the red Honda that beeped at me for no reason at the stop sign today. I rolled up, stopped, and was letting another car go when be ‘beeped’ at me. It wasn’t an angry honk, just a quick tap, but I don’t know why he bothered, as it was going to cost him maybe ten seconds. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t trying to warn me that there wasn’t a psychopath in the bed of my truck, preparing to assault me with a pair of salad tongs (I check for that every morning).

Obviously, his beep was some sort of code for ‘ha ha, I made it hot.’ So damn you, red Honda guy, damn you for making me uncomfortable and slightly sticky.

Okay, really sticky.



Anonymous said...

Okay, I'll bite, what is "hot" to you? I grew up in the southwest, and my hometown didn't think it was a normal summer unless the temperatures hit over 110 for more than 10 days...


Jason Janicki said...

Well, when I lived in Fresno 100 was hot. Now, after almost 10 years in the Pacific Northwest, 80 is hot. I guess my hot-genes have deteriorated over time.

Granted, I have grown gills from the constant rain, so I guess it's a trade-off :)

Gillsing said...

Ten seconds is an eternity. Didn't you know? I've heard that scientists have made experiments where they checked how long it would take before a human lost patience with a computer that didn't show any progress. Apparently it took about two seconds. Just what I heard though. Maybe it's wrong? Perhaps I'm just perpetuating a myth?

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a Midwesterner, we honk if it's more then a three second delay and then ride your tail if you go too slow....well ok that's just the people who drive in and out of Chicago too often...

Jason Janicki said...

Really, hadn't heard that Gillsing. One thing I will say about the Seattle area, people are generally amazingly considerate drivers. You can make a left turn at rush hour because people will actually stop and let you in.

It was weird after growing up in California, but I've gotten used to it.