Thursday, November 8, 2007

Han Would Never Wear That

I have a confession to make

There was a time in my life when I had a mullet.

It is sadly true, but in my defense, I did not know that was what it was.

You see, for a long time, I had really long hair. I got tired of it and went to a hair place in the mall. I had no real idea what I wanted, save that I wanted less hair. So when the hairstylist asked me how I wanted it cut, I said I dunno, what do you think would look good?

She cut my hair and then told me it looked fantastic. I was happy. You see, I have absolutely zero fashion sense. If you ever see me wearing something even remotely nice looking, it is because my mother bought it for me.

In hindsight, the hairdresser may have been a sadist, but I digress.

I had the mullet for a number of years. After all, I had been assured that it was fantastic, and I still did not know what it was called. One day, I got tired of it and chopped it all off. Afterwards, one of my female friends leaned over and said (and I quote):

I am sooooo glad you got rid of that mullet. It looked terrible.

So, the question is: why did you not tell me before?

This was a person I had known for years and considered a friend. If I was on fire, I am reasonably certain she would put me out. If I had a lamprey on my buttocks, I would expect a call to 911 (or Jacques Cousteau). Yet in the face of a mullet, she said nothing.

This was not just her, though. I had at least two other female friends. They too could have warned me.

I realize that the mullet damage has been done. I will never recover from the shame. However, on behalf of nerds everywhere, I hereby ask this:

Please tell us when we look terrible.

Seriously. Let us know that wearing sweats all the time is bad. Let us know that fanny packs are not cool. Please, tell us to get a haircut.

We are nerds. Our brains are filled with Star Wars trivia and lines from Monty Python. We have precious little space left for mundane things like fashion or eating right or basic social etiquette.

So, if possible, just lean over and say: You know, Han would never wear that.

We will understand.



Scutatus said...

Speaking of etiquette:

Did you know that the word "fanny" has a different meaning here in Britain? (Clue: It's on the opposite side to the posterior and unique to women).

Oh, how terribly uncouth of you! ;) :p

Anonymous said...

For future referance:

Han would never wear/have:

-A mullet
-Glasses bigger with rims than soda cans
-LOUDLY colored sweater vests
-Knee socks on an everyday basis
-Socks with sandals
-A faux hawk (They are not okay. Don't defend them.)
-A sweat suit for every day of the week

That's what I can think of right now. Hopefully that takes care of a myriad of the fashion confused. These are from watching friends do stupid, stupid things. I told them, though ;) Hopefully yours will next time as well. Always ask questions about social etiquette and fashion etc. if you are unsure of the answers. It is better to look like an ass in front of friends than in front of the world. Much love, my dear.


Gillsing said...

On behalf of slackers everywhere, don't bother telling us how terrible we might look. We probably won't care. Who needs haircuts and new clothes anyway?

Jason Janicki said...

I did not know that about the word 'fanny.' Is this a really bad word or a mild one (on a scale of 1 - 10, with 10 being absolutely vile).

So, the question is, what do you call a fanny pack in Britain?

I will print out your list M, and keep it taped above my dresser. Thanks for the good advice.

Well, most nerds don't care either :) I just want to look non-horrible :)

Scutatus said...

We call it a bum bag. :) (shrugs)

As for fanny being really rude or not, well, you are probably asking the wrong person as I'm quite a sensitive soul. I would imagine that the majority of your British readers wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. It's hard to tell when even the crudest of words these days - for example the four letter f word and the four letter c word - seem to be increasingly acceptable by so many.

American movies, tv, music and indeed culture is highly influential over here. It has corrupted our own society and continues to do so. Largely due to this the word fanny is perhaps less rude than it used to be in Britain. But as a bargepole guide it isn't censored when it comes up on American shows, even when they are shown at daytime; where as the four letter f word and the far less common four letter c word still are, at least before the watershed.

To be honest the word is barely used any more, since even ruder cruder words seem to be the vogue words to use instead. :(

You're probably safe. Most people who would read your strip are likely quite young. And they are most likely using far stronger language themselves already.

Jason Janicki said...

Bum-bag - huh.

I'm always fascinated by the way words are used differently among (nominall) English speakers. My dad always used to say 'ballcap,' where I grew up saying 'baseball hat.'

Well, one of the strengths of English is that it is an evolving language. Eventually we'll get new taboo swear words.