Wednesday, November 14, 2007

EULA: Part 2

1. Eligibility
All rights and the title in and to the Program and the Server (including names, likenesses, catch phrases, music, thimbles, and small collectable figurines) are ours. You may not have them or use them in any way that we find upsetting. Of course, nobody actually reads this so we can really put in anything we want. BOOGERS. See?

2. Ownership
You many establish one (1, uno, un, ichi, ein, etc) User Account per install. Not that we would know if you did, but still we have to say this. Its not like were going to come to your house and beat you up if we find out. No, we tried that. It got really expensive. Instead Ill just call you up and say some vaguely threatening things. Maybe we can be friends? God, Im so lonely.

3. Miscellaneous
Ummm, if youve thought of doing something we havent explicitly told you not to, this is a blanket statement to cover that and anything else you might think of. I wanted to be a folk singer. There, I said it. I didnt want to be a lawyer. I wanted to make people happy with whimsical songs about dogs named Beauregard. But no, Mother said I had to be a lawyer. She said folk singers never made any money. She wouldnt listen when I tried to explain about Arlo Guthrie.

4. Pickles
You didnt read any of this, did you? The least you could do is read it. I mean, I worked very hard on this, you could at least give it a cursory glance before you start killing stuff with a +12 Sword of Permanently Single or whatever it is this program does. Its probably zombies. Everythings zombies these days. Why cant they make nice games? Like Chutes and Ladders or Candy Land? But no, you just want to blow stuff up. Well, fine. Click Accept. Dont worry about me. Ill just be here. All alone. Writing legal stuff. Maybe another EULA. Joy.



Ariel said...

Yaknow, I almost feel bad for him. Almost, would've if he wasn't a creature of evil(check the monster manual and prove me wrong).

Michael Suttkus, II said...

I don't want a pickle!

(Somebody had to say it.)

liselleynn said...

i just wanted to say bloody briliant as per usual, i love your blogs its usually the highlight of my very boring work day... keep it up, oh yeh and the comic is good to :P

Jason Janicki said...

Is lawyer listed under demon or devil in the Monster Manual? I always forget :)

Of course you want a pickle. Everyone loves pickles!

Thanks, glad to hear I make your work day a little more tolerable :)

Gillsing said...

Devils are the ones who are lawful evil, so those would be the lawyers. Though I hear that they changed things around in the last edition of D&D.

Jason Janicki said...

Actually, I realized that about 1 second after I made the comment. I just attacked the adventurers in my D&D game with a bunch of demons, so I should have caught that.

If I recall, they removed the demons and devils from 2.0 completely. I'm 'meh' on the 3.5 rules. They did some good things, but made a lot of other stuff needlessly complicated.