Thursday, November 1, 2007

Hello, Mr. Mammoth

I am glad I was born in this day and age. There are many reasons for this (video games and polio vaccinations, for starters), but the main reason is that I would not have survived in any other era. Why would I think this? Well, let me tell you a story.

Today, I was doing laundry. I happen to have three boxes of detergent sitting on the drier, ready to dispense their cleansing goodness. I do not recall why I purchased three boxes, but there was probably a sale.

I filled the washer with a selection of black t-shirts and picked up the nearest box of detergent. It was empty. This did not perturb me, as I had two more boxes at the ready. I picked up the second box of detergent. It was also empty. I picked up the third box. It too, was empty.

Not only had I not thrown away empty detergent boxes, I had also managed to place them in such a fashion as to make it look like they had not been opened.

I am apparently quite dim.

Honestly, I had no idea the boxes were empty. I knew that the nearest box was running out, but I obviously had two more full boxes, so I had not bothered to buy more.

How does this relate to living in another era? Simple. I would have been the one caveman who forgot to bring his spear.

We would have been clustered on a hill, ready to attack a wooly mammoth. The leader would have looked around, making sure we were ready to risk our lives to feed our clan. And he would have seen me, playing with a rock.

Leader: Where spear?

Me: What?

Leader: Where spear?

Me: My spear? Oh, funny story. I thought I had a couple, but I must have forgotten to make more. Why, do I need one?

Leader: {long pause} No. Go pet big mammoth. Him friend.

Me: Really? Why hello, Mr. Mammoth! It is certainly a lovely- AAARRRGH! MY DUODENUM!

Leader: Idiot.

Basically, my ancestors fought and scraped to survive so that one day I could be completely incapable of doing my laundry.

It kinda makes you think, doesnt it?


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