Thursday, November 22, 2007

The Problem with Thanksgiving: Part 3

Thanksgiving is also lacking any real personalities. Let’s face it: Pilgrims are rather dull. Aside from the odd hats and big collars, they’re not particularly memorable.

Halloween has Dracula, Jack Skellington, the Headless Horseman, Elvira, and a host of psychotic murderers. I’m pretty sure even a third-rate psycho could take out a whole village of Pilgrims without even needing to adjust his mask. It wouldn’t even be a fight. All the Pilgrims have are some muskets and the odd turkey. The psycho wouldn’t even need a machete. He’d just beat them to death with pumpkin pies.

Best Idea Ever: A horror-flick based in a Pilgrim village where the psychopath kills people with pumpkin pies. It could be called The Pieman.

Christmas, of course, has the biggest personality of them all. He’s so big, I even hesitate to mention him. After all, who doesn’t know the name Yukon Cornelius?

C’mon, you remember Yukon Cornelius? The prospector from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? He fought the Abominable Snowman and fell off the cliff? He was totally my hero when I was a kid.

Who am I kidding? He’s still my hero. The man fought an abominable snowman three times his size with a pick. He’s like a singing, prospecting Rambo. You don’t get much more heroic than that.

Compared to the other holidays, Thanksgiving is just . . . blah. It doesn’t have theme music (though Amariah did point me towards a close contender) nor does it have a recognizable face. It seems to be wholly unmarketable.

But maybe that’s for the best.

Halloween is all about parties, costumes, and candy. Christmas has been merchandised into a shopping extravaganza. These are not necessarily bad things.

Thanksgiving, the ugly stepchild of holidays, still seems to be about spending time with family and friends. I’m pretty sure this is a good thing.


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