Thursday, November 29, 2007

A Hero Is Born

So, long story short, I have been rear-ended twice in the last three weeks. Both times I was not moving and was rammed by an SUV. I am fine, thanks for asking, but my truck has taken a beating.

This, however, is not a rant about SUVs and the people that drive them. Granted, my truck is a small (even smaller now, actually), but it is not invisible or anything.

Or is it?

My theory is that for some unexplained reason, possibly due to the copious amounts of fajitas, teriyaki, and kung-pao chicken I eat, I have acquired a super power. My truck, when I am in it and it is sitting completely still, becomes invisible to SUVs. I am not sure if I become invisible as well, but I would hazard a 'yes' to that (further testing is required).

This leads to two fundamental questions: how do I use this power for good and what will my super hero name be? Secondary questions would include: Can I make money from this and will this help me get dates?

So how can I use this power for good? Not sure, unless there is an evil SUV gang out there. I could stop my truck near their base/lair and do surveillance. Potentially, I could actually stop inside their base/lair and listen in on their conversations.

Evil SUV Gang Leader: “. . . and then once the guards are incapacitated, we will- wait, do you hear that?”

Evil SUV Grunt: “What?”

Evil SUV Gang Leader: “Music. It sounds like . . .Garbage ‘I’m Only Happy When It Rains’.”

Evil SUV Grunt: “Maybe it’s coming from that invisible pickup over there?”

Evil SUV Gang Leader: “You mean the one that smells like fajitas?”

Mental Note: I need to remember to turn off the radio when surveilling.

The second question is what will I call myself? Invisible-to-SUVs-When-Not-Moving-Man is accurate, but hard to say. Inviso-Truck might work. Ghost Driver is cool, but it doesn’t actually work when I’m moving. The SUV Watcher just make me sound like a nutjob.

I will figure it out eventually.

So remember, if you ever need an SUV covertly watched, call me, The Phantom Pickup!

Nah, that doesn’t work either. I’ll think about it whilst shopping for tights.



Anonymous said...

Ah, you have some bad luck.
Maybe you should put some flashing light on, or something :)
btw, good comic :)

Jason Janicki said...

Apparenlty I need a large neon sign in the bed of my truck that says "Don't Hit Me!"

Thanks :)

Gillsing said...

You know how foresters in India wear masks resembling a human face on the back of their heads to convince tigers to not pounce on them? I think you could employ a similar method. Weld a metal pole to each back corner of your truck bed, and then put a couple of huge eyes on them, staring back towards any SUVs that are thinking about pouncing on your truck while it's not looking at them. For dark conditions you could have the eyes reflect light. (Using headlights instead of eyes would probably be even more effective, but I'm pretty sure it must be illegal to trick people into thinking that they're being subjected to oncoming traffic.)

Armchair theory: Have you thought about SUVs possibly being so high that when they're really close by your truck, the drivers fail to pay attention to your lower truck bed and only 'see' the front of your truck?

Jason Janicki said...

I could just mount a large mirror in the bed. That way, the SUV would think it was looking at an SUV coming straight for it and theoretically brake. Granted, also illegal.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's it, in that they're high enough that they don't notice my truck. I'm just glad I don't ride a motorcycle :)

Fil said...

If I knew I was a bad driver, and I wasn't caring much about people around, I would probably change my motorbike for a big SUV. I would therefore feel safer, and who cares about other people, or pollution, or lack of petrol? :P
Maybe this would explain why you get hit mostly by SUV? :P

By the way, thanks for the comics and best wishes for your life in your new home :)

Jason Janicki said...

Good points there, Fil. I should buy an even bigger SUV (or even a tank) to protect myself from all the terrible SUV drivers out there.