A Hero Is Born

So, long story short, I have been rear-ended twice in the last three weeks. Both times I was not moving and was rammed by an SUV. I am fine, thanks for asking, but my truck has taken a beating.

This, however, is not a rant about SUVs and the people that drive them. Granted, my truck is a small (even smaller now, actually), but it is not invisible or anything.

Or is it?

My theory is that for some unexplained reason, possibly due to the copious amounts of fajitas, teriyaki, and kung-pao chicken I eat, I have acquired a super power. My truck, when I am in it and it is sitting completely still, becomes invisible to SUVs. I am not sure if I become invisible as well, but I would hazard a 'yes' to that (further testing is required).

This leads to two fundamental questions: how do I use this power for good and what will my super hero name be? Secondary questions would include: Can I make money from this and will this help me get dates?

So how can I use this power for good? Not sure, unless there is an evil SUV gang out there. I could stop my truck near their base/lair and do surveillance. Potentially, I could actually stop inside their base/lair and listen in on their conversations.

Evil SUV Gang Leader: “. . . and then once the guards are incapacitated, we will- wait, do you hear that?”

Evil SUV Grunt: “What?”

Evil SUV Gang Leader: “Music. It sounds like . . .Garbage ‘I’m Only Happy When It Rains’.”

Evil SUV Grunt: “Maybe it’s coming from that invisible pickup over there?”

Evil SUV Gang Leader: “You mean the one that smells like fajitas?”

Mental Note: I need to remember to turn off the radio when surveilling.

The second question is what will I call myself? Invisible-to-SUVs-When-Not-Moving-Man is accurate, but hard to say. Inviso-Truck might work. Ghost Driver is cool, but it doesn’t actually work when I’m moving. The SUV Watcher just make me sound like a nutjob.

I will figure it out eventually.

So remember, if you ever need an SUV covertly watched, call me, The Phantom Pickup!

Nah, that doesn’t work either. I’ll think about it whilst shopping for tights.

Cheers,
-Jason