Thursday, November 15, 2007

Cheese Anyone?

I read an article the other week about a new, genetically superior breed of mice that has been developed. I cannot now find said article, but essentially, the mouse had amazing cardiovascular ability, was stronger, lived longer, and could eat junk food all day and still remain slim.

Anyone who has ever read a science fiction or horror novel can see what is coming next: one of the little buggers will escape.

A scientist, flushed with success, will forget one tiny detail. The cage holding the mouse was not rated for super-vermin. A mouse will escape and create a mouse kingdom, which will be populated by his genetically gifted offspring. Some of the new mice will espouse the ways of Mickey, but others will follow Ignatz, the Thrower of Bricks. There will be a civil war and the Ignatzians will triumph and begin their grand scheme to throw a brick at the world.

They will start small, possibly by eliminating the cats, but once the felines are out of the picture, we all know who will be next. Us. We cannot even keep regular mice out of our houses, what chance do we have against super mice with machine guns? They will have television. They will know what has been done to their species and they will be ticked off.

Our only hope is to create a species of genetically enhanced cats with opposable thumbs, which they will need to be able to operate their little chainsaws. This, of course, brings up a whole new set of problems. Namely, not changing the litter in a timely fashion could have some serious consequences.

The worst case scenario is that the cats team up with the mice to take out the dogs, leaving humanity totally defenseless.

So, just in case, let me say that I welcome our new furry overlords. Cheese anyone?



Scutatus said...


You're Bonkers, utterly bonkers!In a good way. ;)

Personally, my money's on the cats.

Jason Janicki said...

Thanks, my mother will be glad to hear that :)

Yeah, I would bet on the cats. Unless, of course, the mice create some sort of robotic 'mobot' that is capable of defeating a cat :)

Anonymous said...

Dude. I JUST finished reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I salute you for your excellent writings. =)
Live Long and Prosper.

-Andrea the Swift of Arrow/Aseawen