Han Would Never Wear That

I have a confession to make

There was a time in my life when I had a mullet.

It is sadly true, but in my defense, I did not know that was what it was.

You see, for a long time, I had really long hair. I got tired of it and went to a hair place in the mall. I had no real idea what I wanted, save that I wanted less hair. So when the hairstylist asked me how I wanted it cut, I said I dunno, what do you think would look good?

She cut my hair and then told me it looked fantastic. I was happy. You see, I have absolutely zero fashion sense. If you ever see me wearing something even remotely nice looking, it is because my mother bought it for me.

In hindsight, the hairdresser may have been a sadist, but I digress.

I had the mullet for a number of years. After all, I had been assured that it was fantastic, and I still did not know what it was called. One day, I got tired of it and chopped it all off. Afterwards, one of my female friends leaned over and said (and I quote):

I am sooooo glad you got rid of that mullet. It looked terrible.

So, the question is: why did you not tell me before?

This was a person I had known for years and considered a friend. If I was on fire, I am reasonably certain she would put me out. If I had a lamprey on my buttocks, I would expect a call to 911 (or Jacques Cousteau). Yet in the face of a mullet, she said nothing.

This was not just her, though. I had at least two other female friends. They too could have warned me.

I realize that the mullet damage has been done. I will never recover from the shame. However, on behalf of nerds everywhere, I hereby ask this:

Please tell us when we look terrible.

Seriously. Let us know that wearing sweats all the time is bad. Let us know that fanny packs are not cool. Please, tell us to get a haircut.

We are nerds. Our brains are filled with Star Wars trivia and lines from Monty Python. We have precious little space left for mundane things like fashion or eating right or basic social etiquette.

So, if possible, just lean over and say: You know, Han would never wear that.

We will understand.

Cheers,
-Jason