Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Things That Scare Me: Part 2

Insurance is another one of those things involving numbers (the bane of all who major in English) that I do not understand. Do I have enough insurance? Do I have too much? Do I have the right kind? Am I insured in case giant monsters attack? That would really stink. Not only did a giant, 9-armed robot-gorilla-iguana smash my favorite gaming store, he flattened my truck as well. It would stink even worse if I was only insured against 8-armed robot-gorilla-iguanas.

Note to self: Check insurance policy to see if there is a Number of Arm clause for my giant monster coverage.

Second Note to Self: Find insurance policy.

Buying a Home
Yet another scary proposition, but not because of the whole numbers are evil thing. Rather, I need to insure that the house is haunted.

Yes, that is correct. I want to buy a haunted house. And not just any haunted house, I want blood running down the walls, phantom noises, malevolent toasters, the whole nine yards.

I find this desirable for several reasons:

1 Haunted houses go pretty cheap. It may be a 12-bedroom mansion, but if enough people have died in it, I might actually be able to afford it.

2 If the house is sufficiently haunted, I can write a book about it.

3 If said book does well enough, I can get a movie made and possibly go on Oprah.

4 All of this will enable me to make enough money to buy my true dream home: one haunted by Playboy Playmates and/or lingerie models.

Tomorrow: The Conclusion! Or Maybe Not! Mwahahahahaha!

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