Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Day 4

Day 4.

I think, perhaps, I am going mad. I sit and stare. I wait. Ever waiting. Ever staring. Nothing happens. The green light does not glow. I know not what to do, so I do nothing. I sit. I wait. I stare.

There is noise from my window. Sounds. Voices in ebb and flow. They do not know. They would not understand. Even if I told them, they would look at me with confusion, as they do not speak English. I think to draw pictures, to illustrate my woes, to give some form to the terror that grips me. But alas, the crude two-dimensional stick-figures with large, bulbous heads I draw are woefully inadequate to convey the three dimensions of madness I feel. I draw a horsey, which could be mistaken for a dog. I call him Hubert.

Still, the green light does not illuminate. It glows not. Ixnay on the lowgay. Unable to restrain myself, I reach for the mouse. I click, slowly and carefully at first, and then faster and faster yet. A bead of sweat drips from my forehead to the keyboard. And yet, I lose. I have never been good at Solitaire. I play a game of FreeCell and my nerves are soothed by my victory. I rock at FreeCell.

I return to sitting, to staring. In a sudden mad frenzy, I seize the mouse again. I click frantically on anything, everything. Folders open. Movies play. I am unamused. I have seen them all. Even the whimsical antics of a water-skiing squirrel brings no smile to my lips.

There is a sudden spasm of lights. My breath catches and I sit upright, every organ intent on the small black box upon my desk. Even my gall bladder leaves off its ceaseless creation of stones to percolate with hope. The lights fade and I would weep, had I the tears left.

I check my mail. My dial-up connection crackles and spits. After an agonizing minute, an offer for cheap Viagra appears. I hesitate. I could attempt to visit a site, perhaps a webcomic. But dial-up is slow, so agonizingly slow. I could, I think, open a site and then eat dinner, with the hope that it would appear by the time I return. But such a thing would only bring the desire to visit other sites and I have not enough food for such an endeavor.

You understand now, perhaps, the source of my madness?

There is a Tauren in Un’Goro crater who waits for the skins of some of the Great Apes of the region. In Paragon City, a scientist has been kidnapped and it is I who must rescue her. There are movies to download. Sites to surf. And here I sit, the green light of my DSL unlit. Impotent. Flaccid. Limp. Other words that make men uncomfortable.

I think I will watch TV. Yes, my cable is still connected. It might stay the madness. It might bring a moment of joy. I collect Hubert, my only friend, and pad to the living room, where the soft glow of television waits to envelope me.

I just hope I remembered to pay the cable bill.


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