Invasion: Part 1

Lord Richard Karsis, 2nd cousin twice-removed of the Emperor’s best-friend’s hair-dresser, stood on the bridge of his flagship, the Farkinator, watching the purples of hyperspace swirl past the main monitor.

“Well?” he demanded.

“We are preparing to drop out of hyperspace, Star Admiral,” said the young lieutenant at the helm.

“Excellent. And the Obliteratrix Cannon?”

“Fully charged and ready to fire, sir.”

“Order the fleet to deploy into battle formation once we enter normal space,” said the Star Admiral, as he walked to his command chair and sat down. An ensign with a gold bucket to the left of the chair immediately stepped forward.

“Entering normal space in . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1,” called out the lieutenant.

There was a sudden, sickening sensation, as if you’d just eaten a dozen cheeseburgers and a chocolate shake and they suddenly decided to come out both ends at the same time, and then the purple on the screen faded, to be replaced by a field of stars.

The ensign with the bucket leaned forward, as the Star Admiral went green. He held up a finger, swallowed hard, and then made a face.

“Thank you, ensign,” said the Star Admiral after a moment. “But I won’t need the bucket today.”

“Very good, sir.”

The Star Admiral burped. “Status report?” he called out, waving a gloved hand in front of his face.

“The fleet is forming up on us as we speak, sir. We should be fully deployed within ten minutes.”

“Admiral!” another lieutenant called out. “We have contacts bearing 7.8 Gorth by 212 Bung!”

“Where’s that?”

“Uhhh . . . “ the lieutenant point down and to the left. “That way, more or less.”

“Put it on-screen.”

It was the Emperor’s fleet, led by the flagship ‘Pokey Pony,’ which is what happens when you let your seven-year-old niece name your flagship.

“Communication from the Pokey Pony, sir.”

“Put it up.”

The screen flashed and the Star Admiral found himself looking at the scarred face of Fleet Admiral Throng.

“You have intruded into Imperial space! Remove yourself immediately from this system or face the might of the Imperial Fleet!”

“Bold words, Throng!” said the Star Admiral. “But I will allow you to surrender before I unleash my Obliteratrix upon you!”

Throng stared. “Ricky?”

“It’s Richard!” said the Star Admiral. “Star Admiral if you must!”

There was a sudden alarm and the bridge crew of the Farkinator whirled back to their stations.

“What?” yelled the Star Admiral, over the siren.

“Unknown contacts at 480 Gorth by 77.3 Bung!” the lieutenant shouted. He pointed up and to the right. “Over there!”

“Show me!”

Throng disappeared, to be replaced by a vector-graphic map. The Star Admiral saw his fleet in green, which outnumbered the Imperial fleet which was displayed in blue. A new force, depicted in yellow and as numerous as his own, was appearing to the right of both fleets.

“Sir, communication from the unknown fleet!”

“Play it!”

“Bow before the might of the Hylarian Armada!” a deep voice rang out across the bridge. “Surrender or death are your only options!” There was a pause. “Wait a minute,” said the voice. “If that’s the Imperial Fleet, who the hell are you guys?”

Tomorrow: Part 2