Sunday, June 24, 2007

Evil Mastermind: A Career Choice: Part 3

The next thing you need to become an Evil Mastermind is minions. Minions are a special breed. Not only are they willing to work for you, they are also willing to fight for you. These are guys who will not only clean the toilets, but will shoot people while doing so.

Now, I do not know about you, but if a heavily armed men in black suddenly burst into my workplace, my first thought would not be to fight back. It would be that I needed to change my underwear.

The question then becomes: where and how do you get minions?

That must be an interesting interview:
Interviewer: So, Bob, is it? What do you think you can bring to Evil-Inc?

Bob: Well, I am a people-person. I work well with deadlines and have a degree in computer science.

Interviewer: Excellent. Do you have any experience with automatic weapons?

Bob: Errrrr, no. I did have a BB-gun when I was a kid.

Interviewer: Good. Ever shot or stabbed anyone?

Bob: I am not certain I understand the question.

Interviewer: Say you came upon a secret agent downloading company files. Would you be comfortable, say, attacking him with a machete?

Bob: What?

Interviewer: Thanks for coming by, Bob. We will let you know. (Over intercom) Please take Bob out and shoot him and then send in the next applicant.

Tomorrow: The Plan!


Anonymous said...

See, I'm still in high school, so we just get grade nines. They're disposable, easy to find, cheap, and always ready to learn new skills. And to fight? Easy, just give them an outfit from they're favorite FPS and they're ready to fight to the death. Also good for getting coffee when things get rough.

Jason Janicki said...

An interesting thought, but I don't think 14-year-olds would make particularly good henchmen. They lack any real skills and are easily distracted. However, some sort of work-study program could fit. Not only will they learn the skills necessary to be a minion, they can earn valuable school credits.