Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Keyboards: Part 1

Okay, here's a new blog, but first, a message about the comic:

We got the technical issues fixed (hurray!), but Leigh’s non-comic schedule is not currently leaving him time to work on new pages at the moment. He estimates that it will be a few weeks before he has time again. We will keep you posted and include new info as it becomes available in the News Section at the top of the page and in the forums.

We apologize for the lack of updates, but Leigh's been busy and I have the attention span of a hyperactive five-year-old on a sugar high.

And now, the blog:


I had to buy a new keyboard.

Well, ‘had’ is a fairly strong word. I didn’t have to, it’s just that my old keyboard wasn’t bothering to type a couple letters anymore, including ‘j.’ Though not a popular letter by any means, I kind of need ‘j,’ seeing as how both my first and last name make use of it. Obviously, I could just change my name, but it’s on all my checks, so there you go.

Anyway, this Saturday I ventured into the local Staples, intent on purchasing a new keyboard and mouse to go with it. What can I say, I was feeling extravagant.

I fiddled with the keyboards and really liked a top-of-the-line one. I’d used cheap keyboards for a long time and this one was all ergonomic and had lots of flashy, non-letter related buttons. Seriously, the keyboard looks like it belongs in a giant robot (one of the ones piloted by a five person ninja science team, not one of the ones controlled by a kid in short pants).

NOTE: Yes, I did just make a reference to Gatchaman. Blame my buddy, Sean. It’s his fault.

Anyway, I decided to go with the fancy keyboard. I purchased it, took it home, stripped away the cardboard box and read the installation instructions carefully. Yes, I read manuals (even for games). I’m weird that way.

The instructions were a bit confusing, but I followed them carefully. They went like this:

1. Remove the keyboard from its box.
a. Already done.

2. Remove all the wire twisty thingies.
a. Easily done.

3. Hook up your keyboard to the USB port on your computer.
a. Still pretty straightforward.

4. Insert the Installation Disk into the computer’s DVD or CD Drive and when it asks ‘Open Connection to Underworld?’ click ‘Yes.’
a. Okay.

5. Chant the following lines while dribbling the blood from a freshly slain rooster upon the keys.
a. Riiiiiight. I didn’t have a rooster nor any way to get one. Instead, I got a boneless chicken breast from the refrigerator and just sort of dropped it on the keyboard. It went ‘splat.’ I also said the lines, but wasn’t sure how to pronounce all of the words (Is it ‘HethPARgorl’ or ‘HethparGORL?’).

And with that, the keys on the keyboard started to glow and outside, dogs began to howl. The day grew dark and a shrill wind clawed at my windows. My new keyboard began to expand and contract in a strange rhythm, almost as if it were breathing. I shivered, mostly because I forgot to put my pants on, and sat down to try my new keyboard out.

Tomorrow: Part 2


Joel said...

> a. Riiiiiight. I didn’t have a
> rooster nor any way to get one.

I wouldn't worry about it. Typically the installation CD for a keyboard just lets you re-map the extra buttons, you know, or summon some dark thing from the pit. It's cool at first but once you've had the keyboard for a while you find you don't really bother with it much anymore.

Anonymous said...

Very much enjoying the story so far, but...No one should leave those big chips in an axe blade...they should be sharped out right away!

Silver said...

A rooster? You got yourself a Logitech, or what?

Should have gone for something bigger. I mean, a rooster is neat and all, but it's only going to keep the shine on for a short time. You'll need to get more juice in it all the time.

Now, what I do is, I get one of thouse hamsters, with the wheels they're running on, and attach a few scrolls and a chrism or two, to keep a ritual going. Sure, every individual turn carries much less juice than a rooster sacrifce, but it builds up, and after a while, the initial cost more than makes up for it, at least if you use the keyboard a lot, especially the summoning keys.

There is the other school, of course, that advocates making a huge initial sacrifice, like taking an endagered species or something, and sure, it's going to work for a long time, but it IS going to run out, and I couldn't relax with something like that, because it just feels like it'd run out exactly when you need it the most. It might just be paranoid, but better safe than sorry, you know?

Ps. And again the word verification is fitting, suggesting I write down the name of a type of imp.

Jason Janicki said...

Yeah, I can see your point there. You summon a dark lord once or twice, wreak some havoc, but then after a while, it's like 'Yeah, Prince of Hell, whatever. Just, uh, vacuum and then make me sandwich.'

Thanks, Anon! Those chips'll get removed soon :)

The hamster idea is a good one. I know I'll just get lazy and eventually start sacrificing cans of chili or a box of saltines or something :)