Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Epicenter of Infidelity: The Yelling Strikes Back

Some of you longtime readers may remember a blog post entitled ‘Epicenter of Infidelity’ where I talked about being woken up in the middle of the night by a truly epic shouting match.

To recap: Joe was called a ‘bastard’ at earsplitting decibels at around 4:30 am by Sue. They continued back and forth in this vein for about five minutes. They woke me up, scared my cat and made me grumpy (and tired) the next day.

This performance, I’m sad to say, has been topped.

Last night, there was screaming again at about 4:30 am.

NOTE: I don’t know what it is about 4:30 am, but all the really big fights seem to happen at that time. It is, coincidentally, right in the middle of when I go to bed and get up, so it’s strategically positioned to irritate me the most. I may start referring to it as the ‘bitching hour.’

Anyway, I was awoken by a ‘get away from me!’ followed by a word that rhymes with ‘anothertucker.’ Words that rhyme with ‘sucker,’ ‘fit,’ ‘orangutan,’ and ‘punt’ were also used (I’m not using the real words because I’m afraid that an impressionable youth might repeat them and then his mother would beat me up).

Then, in the moment that elevates this incident from all other, someone (presumably a police officer) yelled ‘STOP! POLICE!’ directly outside my window.

Needless to say, this scared the absolute poop out of me.

Now fully awake, I then got to listen to someone getting arrested and the conversations this entailed. So, while I wasn’t happy about getting woken up, it was nice to know that someone’s day was going to be worse than mine.



"gunner" said...

sounds like "sue" needs a new boyfriend, or "joe" a new girl friend, and you need new quiet neighbors. wichever of the first two its about time somebody went for a stay in greybar hotel.

Astrus said...

Are you sure it's not the ninjas trying some psychological warfare on you?

They might be angry about that tooth you found a few weeks ago. Bet they wanted to offer it to the toothfairy themselves.

Captain Hesperus said...

"Joe", "Sue" and "The Police Officer" are, in fact, all members of my specially-gathered 'Jason-Irritation Brigade'. Each member of this specialist task force has been entrusted with the job of turning Jason's nights into a swirl of bad language and aggressive street theatre. This will, given time, cause Jason to GO INSANE!!!, thus allowing me to take control of his mind. Why am I telling you my master plan? Because, it's ingenious and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!

Jason Janicki said...

I think Joe definately visited the local pokey, though I have no idea for how long.

My ninjas are usually much more subtle than that, though it wouldn't be beyond them. They are still mad about the tooth, though :)

Ah, Captain, you're assuming I'm actually sane at present. Your tactics might actually knock me back into sanity and then what will you do? 'I know a hawk from a handsaw' as a Danish prince once said :)

"gunner" said...

with "joe" in the slammer hopefully "sue" will find a ration of common sense and he will find his shoes tossed to the curb, never again to be found under her bed, when gets out of the brig.

Jerron said...

"a ration of common sense"?? Are you insane? The only sense I ever encounter is very uncommon. That will never happen.

Besides, the whole premise is flawed. Jason does not live anywhere near the epicenter of infidelity. I work there, I think I'm the only guy in the whole place who hasn't cheated. Mind you there was over 5,000 people working there when I hired in, too, so it's like a magnitude 8.4 or something.

Jason Janicki said...

We can only hope, gunner.

Where the hell do you work, Jerron?

Jerron said...

Me? It should be obvious. Infidelity, mismanagement, thousands of people laid off (there was 5,000, but now it's under 1,000).

I work at the horrific macabre facility known to mere mortals as, "General Motors".

Jason Janicki said...

Oooh, sorry to hear that.