Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Halloween Pun-ishment

Halloween is almost upon us and I have one simple request: Please stop with the puns already.

So far, I have heard, in no particular order:

Guys and Ghouls
Go and ask your Mummy
[You’ll] werewolf it down
A howling good time
A ghost of a chance
‘Bite’ being used by a vampire

Seriously, they’re just dumb. I mean, I like a pun as much as the next guy, but these are only funny if you’re four and then, not very. And it’s not like they come up with new ones either. I heard this on the morning news cast as I was eating my breakfast:

Drab Male Newscaster: Looks like they’re going to have a frightfully good time!

Hot Female Newscaster: -laughs- I’m sure they’ll go running to their mummys!

Hot Female Weatherperson: Please stop.

Drab Male Newscaster: -chuckles- Spooktacular, one might say.

Hot Female Weatherperson: Look, I’m asking nicely here.

Hot Female Newscaster: -laughs some more- It’s not going to be dead out there on Halloween!

Hot Female Weatherperson: Seriously.

Drab Male Newscaster: -makes some noise approximating mirth- You said it. Or can I say ‘Boo’ said it!

Hot Female Weatherperson: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Runs onto the set with a machete and begins to chase them around the desk.

NOTE: That didn’t actually happen, though they did use ‘spooktacular’ and ‘frightfully’ in sentences.

This doesn’t seem to happen with the other holidays. I can’t think of a single Christmas or Thanksgiving pun off the top of my head. Easter, Labor Day, Memorial Day, St. Fructus’ Day, Arbor Day, Elbow Day, Pipe Fitting Day, all of these get to go by without comment. Halloween, for whatever reason, is rife with puns.

I honestly don’t know what to do about it. I suppose some sort of fine might work. Beatings, though fun, would get tiresome after a while. I dunno. Thoughts?



J. Alexander Van Belkum said...

How about if they fine you to pay someone to beat you? Your fine pays your "service provider".

Also, my captcha for this comment is "thrat". I think my brain might explode.

Jason Janicki said...

I think my brain just did explode ;)

"gunner" said...

yes, one might say ‘spooktacular' but we'd really rather that he did not.

Jason Janicki said...