Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Lord Who?

This weekend I was playing a casual RPG, which will remain nameless. I do play a lot of casual games and am occasionally pleasantly surprised. Granted, I am appallingly horrified on occasion as well, so it probably all works out.

NOTE: Speaking of horror, I also like to rent independent and little-known horror films. Most of the time, I am completely bored and/or appalled. Once in a great while, I catch a good one. If you like horror, check out Gingersnaps and Gingersnaps II. They’re completely different kinds of films, but both are excellent.

Anyway, the RPG I was playing had almost no story to it, save that apparently there were four pieces of a sacred flatware set I had to find. There was a sacred fork, a sacred knife, a sacred spoon, and a non-sacred, but apparently necessary ladle as well. Yes, I know a ladle isn’t flatware (I looked it up), but there you go.

After about four hours, I secured all the pieces of flatware and the ladle and was expecting the game to end. After all, no other over all quests had been presented and I had no actual use for the flatware. Sure, my stats were buffed, but I was already creaming everything anyway. Then, all of a sudden, it was announced that Duke Kixxfer-something was attacking and I had to go defeat him. I assume this had something to do with the flatware (maybe he was having a dinner party?)

I went to go chat with what’s-his-name and he promptly attacked me. Honestly, I just wanted to talk, maybe ask him what was up and why these guys wanted him dead. I ended up kicking his butt and the game ended with a splash screen that said ‘You are victorious!’

My question was: over what or whom? There was no story behind the flatware and I had never heard of Duke so-and-so before I was told to go kill him. It was as if Elrond had shoved Frodo out the door with a map and the Ring and said ‘Go where the ‘x’ is and drop it in’ and then slammed the gates of Rivendell shut. And then, for no reason, Sauron showed up and Frodo kacked him.

So, here’s a bit of advice to the makers of casual RPGs from me: Please tell me why I’m doing these things. Just a quick note, something like: ‘Hey, there’s this evil guy who wants this stuff and you have to get it and then kill him.’ That would cover all the bases and let me know what was going on.

Also: avoid overly long and cumbersome names. I honestly have no idea what Duke Kixxfer-something’s name actually was. All I can recall is that there was an ‘F’ and a bunch of ‘X’s. Think simple and short. ‘Bob’ works well.

In lieu of this information, I ended up sympathizing with Duke Kixxfer-something more that the people I was working for. I imagine he was just minding his own business when an armored, flat-ware equipped, ladle-waving maniac (me) appeared and caved in his head without so much as an introduction. For all I know, he was looking for his lost dog or delivering toys to orphans.

Oh well, at least I have the flatware.


1 comment:

Kammorremae said...

I am dying to know the name of this game, for the record.

In other news, kudos on pg 120, everyone seems to be freaked out by it.