Thursday, October 30, 2008

I Choose To Blame Ninjas

As some of you may have noticed, I did not blog for most of the week due to illness. I am feeling much better now, thanks in part to all the people who sent me ‘get well soon’ messages. Or rather, to the person who sent me a ‘get well soon’ message (thanks, Mom). Though, technically, she did send it to ‘Susan’ so it may not have actually been for me.

Now, to the casual onlooker who happened to be spying on me via hi-tech equipment, it may have seemed that I merely had a good case of food poisoning. The lack of fever and copious quantities of ‘material’ that came out of me would seem to suggest that. However, where did the food poisoning come from?

I choose to blame ninjas. I did not eat anywhere new or unusual in the days preceding the attack, so I am forced to assume that the poisoning was deliberate. I have long waged war against the various ninja clans and this would not be their first attempt to destroy me (I refer specifically to the ‘Hangnail of ‘03’ and the ‘Flat-Tire of ’99 and ’00’ respectively).

So, be on your guard, ninjas, for your plot has only redoubled my determination to rid the world of your black pajama’d legions! Just don’t hit me in the stomach right now. Trust me, everyone would regret it.

Cheers,
-Jason

7 comments:

Squirrel King said...

Actually, I think you might have swallowed some maligned nanites who are now using your stomach as a gymnasium. Just a thought. ;)

Glad you're on the mend, either way.

vonbek said...

Glad to hear you are doing better... them Ninjas are very deadly with their poisonous ways... i know for a fact that they can form fugu (blowfish) into a wide variety of food items that all suspiciously taste of chicken! In fact, the (in)famous choking on the pretzel incidence by a current politician... a foiled attempt at poisoning by the Yamaguchi clan Ninjas over an ice skating bet... the reach of the Ninja is wide and far... don-cha-know...

Jerron said...

On the presumption you wouldn't get a get well message until .. well, you got well...

Here's "Glad you're beter" note.

:D

J. Alexander Van Belkum said...

Perhaps you should contact the Cowboy Mafia and the Pirate International Secret Society to combat the deadly menace of the Ninja Yakuza.

Jason Janicki said...

Mayhap Ninja Nanites? Granted, they would have to be very, very modern ninjas. Or from the future.

So that would be the secret ninja art of Food Preparation? Damn, that's insidious!

I was unaware that the Cowboy Mafia was also anti-ninja. With the Cowboy Mafia, the PISS, and myself against the ninjas, surely their days are numbered!

And thanks for all the well-wishes :)

Jerron said...

Mafia-don cowboys PISSing on ninjas who make nanite-poison food... Now I've heard everything. And I thought this place was weird before... ;)

(They probably work at McDonald's...)

Jason Janicki said...

Well, that would explain a few things about McDonalds . . .

Who am I kidding? I love McDonalds, even though it's basically fat in the shape of food.