I Choose To Blame Ninjas

As some of you may have noticed, I did not blog for most of the week due to illness. I am feeling much better now, thanks in part to all the people who sent me ‘get well soon’ messages. Or rather, to the person who sent me a ‘get well soon’ message (thanks, Mom). Though, technically, she did send it to ‘Susan’ so it may not have actually been for me.

Now, to the casual onlooker who happened to be spying on me via hi-tech equipment, it may have seemed that I merely had a good case of food poisoning. The lack of fever and copious quantities of ‘material’ that came out of me would seem to suggest that. However, where did the food poisoning come from?

I choose to blame ninjas. I did not eat anywhere new or unusual in the days preceding the attack, so I am forced to assume that the poisoning was deliberate. I have long waged war against the various ninja clans and this would not be their first attempt to destroy me (I refer specifically to the ‘Hangnail of ‘03’ and the ‘Flat-Tire of ’99 and ’00’ respectively).

So, be on your guard, ninjas, for your plot has only redoubled my determination to rid the world of your black pajama’d legions! Just don’t hit me in the stomach right now. Trust me, everyone would regret it.

Cheers,
-Jason