I happened to be thinking about the Lord of the Rings the other day. This happens to me sometimes, for no readily apparent reason. I’ll be walking along and suddenly think ‘If Mordor had a fast food restaurant, what would they serve?”
NOTE: It would be called Sauron’s and it would serve Hobbit Burgers, Men-on-a-Stick, Orc Nuggets and Diet Dr. Pepper. Happy Meals would come with very small trebuchets.
I blame my parents.
Anyhow, it occurred to me that with the defeat of Sauron and the Beginning of the Age of Men, what would all the orcs do? There has to be a couple hundred thousand of them left and they can’t all get jobs at the DMV.
Obviously, they would need to interview first:
Interviewer: So now . . . Argth . . . is it?
Argth: Yah.
Interviewer: Great. Now, I just have to ask. What are you wearing around your neck?
Argth: Man skull.
Interviewer: Super. So then, what are your qualifications?
Argth: Me inna army long time. Me kill (slowly counts on fingers) 8 Men at white city. Me killed dem gud.
Interviewer: Ah. Is there anything else?
Argth: Me gots . . . er . . . people skill.
Interviewer: Excellent. And why do you want to work as a Kindergarten teacher?
Argth: Me likes kids. Dey tasty.
Tomorrow: Part 2
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