Wednesday, September 17, 2008

It’s Not Easy Being Dead: Part 2

The good guys actually manage to do it. They procure the +3 Backscratcher of Endless Reach and give it to the old crone (who promptly uses it, I might add) and they get their ‘Speak with Dead.’

However, in all honesty, what is a conversation with a dead guy really going to accomplish? Most of the time your response is going to be ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!,’ especially if the poor bloke doesn’t realize he’s dead.

So, in keeping with the theme, here’s the Ten Most Common Responses from Speaking with the Dead (or TMCRSD).

1. AAAAAAAAAAGH! (we covered this)

2. I’m what?

3. Que? (They always presume the dead guy speaks their language).

4. I was the Tyrant of Lur, Destroyer of Marlune. My own mother called me Thuril the Bastard. Why would I tell you anything?

5. You defiled my grave to ask me what?

6. If I knew where the Searing Sandals of Sarkis were, why didn’t I use them to prevent my own death?

7. Are you eating right? And that armor! Have you cleaned it lately? Oh, and just look at that hair! You go and get a hair-cut before you talk to me again! And what about kids? Are you even seeing anyone? No? Well, with that hair and armor, I can see why! (In case you had to talk with your long-deceased mother).

8. You do realize you’re the 11th set of adventurers to ask me that?

9. No, no, no, you want Elgorath the Bloody! I’m Elgorath the Blogger!

10.You want the Wand of Arkterian? Why? All it does is cure heartburn. No, it doesn’t shoot lightning. Yes, I am sure. I know, I used it multiple times. Arkterian used to make these sausages . . . No, he wasn’t the Chief of the Ungorians, he was the Chef of the Ungorians. What, don’t look at me, you’re the ones who called me up, remember?



starhawk555 said...


This reminds me of a D&D game I was in years ago. One of the guys did just what you are describing and though dead people would know stuff. So he keep on bugging them for answers.

I mean, who would think of walking into a town and asking for directions to the next town? You would be better of defiling their grave yard (and in the process turning them into an angry mob) to try and ask Ms. Potts where the next town is.

Lets just say possessed skills aren't always possessed by the guy that used to live in there. From what we could tell the DM stuck a demon of lies that though he was John Cleese in the skull....and then made it where no matter what it was in the Player's pack...trying to chat with him...

"....I'm not dead yet! Hehehe...okay well I am undead thanks to you, you blooming bastard! Now take me out and talk to me...I'm board. Do it or I will start singing off key. I will!!!"

Gillsing said...

That first response reminds me of Arcanum. Dead NPCs would rarely have anything to say beyond random screams about being in pain and being dead and whatnot. Truly a pity.

Jason Janicki said...

Heh. 'Speak with Dead' is one of those spells that is tremendously handy, but often abused. I've had players seriously discuss killing difficult NPCs just so they could use a 'Speak with Dead' rather than argue.

It's like 'Polymorph.' Once they figure it out, it's the first tool they reach for.

Y'know, I never played Arcanum. I heard it was pretty good (though buggy). Apparently, there are some really EVIL gnomes.