Friday, April 11, 2008

L.U.S.H.: Part 3

“Doesn’t anyone else think that’s rather stupid?” asked Moon Man. “I mean, how come they get to have the spotlight and we . . . well, you, get stuck cleaning gutters or whatever.”

The Stevedore raised his hand. “We don’t actually clean gutters.”

“Or do windows,” added the Hyena. “We never do windows.”

“You never put the seat down either,” said FTL.
The door to the conference room was suddenly flung open. “Hey!” exclaimed the young man in green from the reception desk. “There’s a twenty-car pileup on I-6! It’s all over the news!”

“Cool!” said Moon Man. “Well, no, not cool,” he said, after a second. “Let’s get out there!”

“We can’t,” said Shatter Gal. “That’s strictly League business.”

“Really? And what will happen if we show up anyway?”

The assembled heroes looked at one another.

“Uuuuh,” said the young man in green. “Won’t they beat us up or something?”

“On camera?” asked Moon Man. “They’re going to show up and jump a bunch of heroes who are already helping with the media watching?”

“Well,” said the Hyena. “They could bust us down to H.U.S.H.”

“What’s H.U.S.H.?”

“Horribly Unattractive Super Heroes,” FTL answered. “Hyena used to be there, but then he stopped piddling on the carpet.”

“Well, hell, call them up and we can do this thing together!”

“Even Lardass and Phlegm Bomb?” asked Miss Mist?

“Who- nevermind. Sure. We get everyone out there and if the LSH shows up, we let Hyena drool on them and Mist can lecture them on the evils of beef or something!”

There was a moment of silence, as the assembled heroes looked at one another. Then, with a clatter of chairs, they rose.

“Someone gimme a cell!” shouted Hyena. “I’ll call H.U.S.H.”

“Shotgun!” Stevedore yelled.

In but a moment, the room was empty, save for a few water bottles and a soggy handkerchief. Shatter Gal suddenly burst back into the room and grabbed her purse, digging furiously through it.

“Found ‘em!” she called out, holding her keys up. “To the minivan!”


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