Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Friendly Reminder

From: Admiral Janicki
To: All Death Star Personnel
Re: Imperial Taxes

I have been asked to remind all Imperial personnel aboard the Death Star that today is April 15th and all personal taxes are due. In light of last year’s ‘Wookie Deduction’ debacle, the 3rd Imperial Tax Division (the Fighting 1040s) has asked me to pass on the following tax hints:

Cloned Stormtroopers may not claim each other as dependents, even though they are technically related.

Maintenance crews may only deduct one (1) Compacter Monster attack.

If strangled by Lord Vader and are:
Add two (2) to Row F: Near Death Experiences
Add one (1) to Row G: Actual Death Experiences

When computing dependents, droids do not count unless you are legally married to one.

If you are Lord Vader, please mark Box A ‘Sith Do Not Pay Taxes.’ Or not. Really, we’re cool either way.

You will check Box 7F ‘I want one dollar to go to the Emperor’s Party Fund.’ Failure to check this box will result in immediate execution.

When computing dependents, alien parasites only count if they are larger than a standard Stormtrooper helmet.

‘Helmet Hair,’ though a consistent problem for all Imperial troops, is not a valid deduction. ‘Armor Crotch’ is a valid deduction for Stormtroopers only.



Neko said...

*giggles and falls off her chair* omg this is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Ahahahaha XD *lurv*

Anonymous said...

OMG LOL!!! I love the part about the "Fighting 1040s" that was just gold.

Jason Janicki said...

Glad to hear it :)