A Memo: Part 1

So, I happened to watch the Return of the King the other day and at the end of the battle in front of Minas Tirith, it occured to me that somebody is going to have to clean all that up. That thought inspired the following:

To: Lord Denethor, Steward of Gondor
From: Bill, Head of Groundskeeping
Re: Bodies

My Lord,

I have recently received orders that the corpses from the recent battle in front of and within Minas Tirith be cleaned up post-haste. I would like to remind your lordship that we number but fifty, while the dead number greater than ten-thousand, not counting the Oliphants.

If my Lord wishes the corpses to be removed in a timely manner, I must ask for more men, preferably in the number of five-thousand.

Your humble servant,
Bill, Head of Groundskeeping

To: Whomever’s in Charge
From: Bill, Head of Groundskeeping
Re: Bodies

My Lord,

I have once again received an urgent missive regarding the state of the corpses decomposing in and in front of our fair city. I must humbly remind your Lordship that we can remove no more than 200 men or orc corpses (or some forty horse carcasses) a day. I cannot begin to imagine how long it will take to remove a single Oliphant!

While the ten additional men you saw fit to assign to us have helped, it will take at least a thousand to make any sort of progress.

May I remind your lordship of the numbers that we must deal with:
6,000+ Orcs
4,000+ Men
1,000+ Horses
200+ Random Trolls, Nazgul Mounts, & Fell Creatures We Cannot Identify
10 Oliphants
Several Hundreds of miscellaneous Squirrels, Cats, Dogs, Wombats, Lawyers, & Street Performers

Your humble servant,
Bill, Head of Groundskeeping

Tomorrow: Part 2 - 'I suggest you buy a lot of potpourri'