Wednesday, April 9, 2008

L.U.S.H.: Part 2

“It’s simple,” said Shatter Gal. “We’re either just not good looking enough or have some particular trait that’s not quite ‘media-worthy.’ So we handle all the jobs that are too small or tedious for the League of Super Heroes.”

“We had a great kitten rescue last week!” FTL burst out. “It was touch-and-go there for a second, but then Stevedore just ripped the tree out of the ground!”

The Stevedore and the Hyena exchanged high-fives, and then the Hyena wiped away the seemingly ever-present drool.

“But you’re not hideous or anything?” said Moon Man. “At worst you’re average. Well, the Hyena’s kinda gross. Sorry,” he added.

“No prob,” said the fur-covered hero, with a wave of his handkerchief.

“That’s very sweet of you,” said Shatter Gal. “But we’re just not cut out for prime-time, so to speak.”

“Why? I mean, what’s wrong with FTL?”

“Cankles,” said the heroine, holding up one leg.


“My powers are fueled by alcohol.” Moon Man stared at him blankly. “I have to get drunk first.”

“Fine. Miss Mist?”

“Militant vegan,” said the young woman. “Meat is murder, if you didn’t know.”

“Okay,” said Moon Man. “But what about you, Shatter Gal? You’re really good-looking!”

Shatter Gal blushed. “I’m . . . ummmm . . . not big enough.”

“I don’t understand.”

“A-cup,” said Miss Mist. “You gotta be at least a D to get into the L.S.H.”

“You can get away with a ‘C,’ but you have to wear a really skimpy outfit,” added FTL.

Later: Part 3!


Anonymous said...

man, those L.U.S.H. people(the ones that Moon Man thought he was joining)are a bunch of jerks. It's just like high school.

Jason Janicki said...

It's more of a statement about the standards of physical perfection seen in the average comic book, as opposed to them being jerks.

Well, actually, they are kinda jerks :)

Anonymous said...

*still giggling a minute after reading*

Wonderful. I love the L.U.S.H. team. They're outsiders that still troop on ^_^