Thursday, February 28, 2008

Vader’s List: Part 2

For Sale:
Blasters (21,153)
From: Stormtrooper D93744
Looking to sell/swap standard issue blaster for same. This one seems to shoot to the left for whatever reason. Would prefer one that shot to the right.

Misc. Weaponry (11,045)
Used Armor (75,982)

From: Stormtrooper I33604
Collectables! Remember that prison escape yesterday? The one with the Princess and the wookie? Well I have the helmets that the guys were wearing! Get your hands on these one-of-a-kind collectables! These are the only people to EVER escape the Death Star! Do not let this opportunity pass you by! FYI – Helmets smell like trash masher.

Lost and Found (822)
From Technician AD8372-1
MISSING BLUEPRINTS! I had a copy of the Death Star blueprints on my desk yesterday and now they’re gone. I would be in MAJOR trouble if anyone noticed, so if you happen so see them, please give me a call. They were stored on a standard memory unit with a kitten sticker on them. Last seen yesterday when that tour group of Bothans came by.

For Sale (5,324):
From Technician ZE4551-7
Vader’s Greatest Chokings! My and a buddy went through all the security videos and cropped together a montage of Vader choking people with the Force. This guy is definitely an equal opportunity strangler! See him choking officers, enlisted, stormtroopers, random guests, prisoners, technicians, and anybody else who happens to piss him off. 142 minutes.

Gigs (368)
Writing (34)
Labor (54)
Adult (10)

From Lt. Nilt
Stormtroopers of the Death Star Calendar. We will be issuing a tasteful, adult themed Stormtrooper calendar to help defray Death Star construction costs. If you are an attractive/well-built Stormtrooper, report immediately to Lt. Nilt, Level 29, Block C, Room 117 to determine if you are suitable for the calendar. This is an order.


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