Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Vader’s List

So, there I was thinking about stormtroopers. I don’t really know why, but it’s something that happens with alarming frequency. I wondered how well they see out of the helmets. I wondered how they go the bathroom. I wondered if there were any female stormtroopers. And then, I wondered, where do stormtroopers go to get a date?

The answer, of course, is Vader’s List. It was originally named Kar’s List, but Vader force-choked him and took it over. Through painstaking research, I have managed to recreate Vader’s List from the Death Star for your reading pleasure.

Women Looking for Men (0)
Women Looking for Aliens (0)
Men Looking for Women (8,381)
From: Stormtrooper X44871
Hi, I’m looking for a date to Wednesday’s Barn Dance/Public Execution. I’m into ineffective armor, bulky helmets, poor marksmanship, and Hummel figurines. Let’s square dance into each other’s hearts!

From: Stormtrooper J11832
Are there any even women stationed here? Hello? Anyone?

Men Looking for Aliens (3,735)
From: Technician TD8774-8
God, I am so lonely! I don’t care if you have tentacles, suckers, mucous-filled sacs, or vestigial wings, just call me!

From: The Stormtrooper of Love
I’m up for anything. I can blow open a hatch and ‘commandeer’ your ship. I can ‘detain’ you for having stolen droids. We can even have an ‘interrogation’ in the detention block. Come be my Bothan Spy! No wookies.

Missed Connections:
From: Stormtrooper S45831
Me, escorting a Rebel Pilot into Detention Block T188. You, removing a body with a turbo-lift. We brushed each other, our armor clacking, was I the only one who saw the sparks? I can’t stop thinking about you. The way you manned those controls, the way you pushed the arm back under the sheet, I was mesmerized the whole time! Call me!

Tomorrow: For Sale: Used Blaster



And just so folks know, Jason has had no internet access on Tuesday, and so I’m posting his blog entry for him. Thanks to those of you have been kind enough to give him advice on his video card problems, Jason will be responding once he can get back on the net.


Anonymous said...

Hello, This is the fist time I post here. Exciting :D
Well, what I was going to tell you was that if you've seen StarWars episode 2, you should konw that all stormtroopers are clones of Jengo Phett (is that the right spelling?), and therefore there can be no female stormtroopers.

Jason Janicki said...

True, the original Stormtroopers were all clones. However, "George Lucas himself, as cited in a question and answer article of Star Wars Insider in 2005, stated that not all Stormtroopers are clones as a result of volunteers and conscription."

So, I assume there would be a mix by the time Episode IV occured.

Even so, I imagine that Stormtroopers get very, very lonely :)

Thanks for the comment :)