Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Conversation at Helm’s Deep: Part 1

I happened to be watching The Two Towers the other day and during the Helm’s Deep battle, I started feeling slightly sorry for the orcs.

Sure, they’re smelly, vicious, evil, murderous, environmentally unfriendly, and they would probably not only kick a puppy, but eat it as well, but y’know, they were made that way.

If you think about it, they weren’t really given any choice. It’s not like Saruman stood at the top of Orthanc and said:

“Today we start our war against the Rohirrim! We will burn their homes and crops! We will kick their puppies! The ground will run red with their blood! And you will eat man-flesh!”

“However, I realize that some of you might not be interested in fighting. Therefore, all those who want to go to war line up at the east gate. No, the other east gate. No! That one! Look at where I’m pointing!”

“Now, for those of you who chose to stay, I have arranged for some something fun. The Dark Lord has obliged us by sending Urk-bar, Master Chef and Pâtissier to teach a class on how to make brioche. So please go down to the kitchen and give Chef Urk-bar your full attention.”

Pretty much, they were born (more or less), they got handed a sword, and were sent off to fight. They didn’t even get to go to the prom, for Pete’s sake. Actually, that’s probably for the best, seeing as how I don’t think Saruman got around to making female Uruk-Hai. Otherwise, it would have gotten weird:

“Lurg, would you go prom with me?”

“Sorry, Gark, me already ask Rart.”

“Oh. Okay.”

And, frankly, they were probably terrible dancers anyway.

Tomorrow: Part 2 – what do Uruk-Hai talk about?

4 comments:

liselleynn said...

Lol, it was showing on SA tv aswel this weekend, i quite enjoyed watchin g it, though your post does add a new twist to the whole thing...lol brilliant as per usual and keep em comming.

Ray Radlein said...

Tolkien himself memorably said, of his time in the hellish trenches of France, "I was an Orc in the Great War."

Neal said...

Its real easy to compare Uruk-hai and Stormtroopers. They're both practically harvested, and have accelerated growth, be it through magic or science. While they may be built for battle, and even trained, theyhave little experience before they're thrown into battle.

Compare that to Aragorn who is 90 years old. Both of his companions, Legolas and Gimli, and himself are well-trained and battle-hardened.

Jason Janicki said...

Thanks lisellynn :)

I hadn't heard that before, Ray, that's weird and funny at the same time.

Huh, I hadn't considered that, Neal. The analogy is very apt. I just may use that for a future blog :)