Troopers Are People Too: Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back

The battle for Hoth continues. Imperial AT-AT and AT-STs move across the barren landscape as Rebel Snowspeeders fly around and in-between them, their shots ricocheting off the Imperial armor. Cut to the inside of an AT-AT. Imperial Stormtroopers are in a cramped compartment, waiting to be sent into battle. At one end, two troopers are standing together.

FIRST TROOPER: Well, this sucks.

SECOND TROOPER: Yeah. I mean, how were we to know that guy turned off the tractor beam? We couldnt even see the control panel.

FIRST TROOPER: And he was a frikin Jedi! He coulda had us dancing the funky Bantha if he wanted to.

SECOND TROOPER: They can do that?

FIRST TROOPER: Oh yeah. They can, like, block lasers blasts and hypnotize you and make you max out your credit cards, all sorts of stuff.

SECOND TROOPER: Whered you hear that?

FIRST TROOPER: The History Channel.

SECOND TROOPER: Really? Every time I turn it on theres some show about the Clone Wars. Its always 10 Greatest Battles of the Clone Wars or Hell in Space or Shoelaces of the Separatists or something.

FIRST TROOPER: I heard the Emperor totally loves those shows, so he executes people when theyre not on.

SECOND TROOPER: Oh, that makes sense. So, have you seen the vid of Vaders fight with that Jedi?

FIRST TROOPER: Didnt know there was one.

SECOND TROOPER: Oh, its awesome. The security cameras got the whole thing. Vader totally disintegrates the guy!

FIRST TROOPER: Whoa!

SECOND TROOPER: Yeah! And people are already modding it. Theres one where the Jedi is a giant bunny and another where they dubbed in new dialogue. Its hysterical.

Theres a sound of a sudden, large explosion. The compartment shakes violently and the troopers almost fall over. One trooper looks out the view port.

FIRST TROOPER: Holy crap! They took out #3!

SECOND TROOPER: Stupid rebellion.