Troopers Are People Too: Episode 4: A New Hope

OFFICER: Secure this area until the alert is canceled.

FIRST TROOPER: Give me regular reports.

All but two of the stormtroopers leave.

FIRST TROOPER: Do you know whats going on?

SECOND TROOPER: Maybe its another drill.

Ben moves around the tractor beam, watching the stormtroopers as they turn their backs to him. Ben gestures with his hand toward them, as the troops think they hear something in the other hallway. With the help of the Force, Ben deftly slips past the troopers and into the main hallway.

SECOND TROOPER: What was that?

FIRST TROOPER: Oh, its nothing. Dont worry about it.

SECOND TROOPER: So, did you talk to the wife?

FIRST TROOPER: Yeah, were gonna get back together. Shes still freaked out about that close-call on the Ambassaders ship, but I told her I got transferred to the Death Star. I was like Honey, its a billion tons of metal with a giant laser on it. Its the safest posting in the entire Empire.

SECOND TROOPER: Speaking of the Ambassader, did you see Princess Laura or whatever-her-name-is? Damn!

FIRST TROOPER: You got that right. I would totally – shit, its Vader!

The two stormtroopers snap to attention as Lord Vader strides past. They relax when he turns the corner.

SECOND TROOPER: That guy totally gives me the creeps.

FIRST TROOPER: Why do you think he wears all that stuff anyway?

SECOND TROOPER: Hell if I know. I heard he has Space Asthma or something.

FIRST TROOPER: You know what I heard?

SECOND TROOPER: What?

FIRST TROOPER: Hes actually a chick.

SECOND TROOPER: No way!

FIRST TROOPER: Yeah! I heard it from Jenkins whos got that buddy in SysOps. It supposedly says female in his . . . her, personnel file.

SECOND TROOPER: Right. Vaders file is totally sealed. How would he get a look?

FIRST TROOPER: I dunno. Thats just what I heard.

The stormtroopers stand in silence for a while.

FIRST TROOPER: Stupid drill.