Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Not-So Super Powers

This was partially inspired by Barbara, who suggested a variety of superhero related topics. Everything else is my fault.

Superman. Wonder Woman. Spiderman. Magneto. Wolverine. What do they have in common? They are all superheroes, obviously, but what else? They all have super-powers, but more importantly, they have useful (ie, combat) superpowers.

Think about it. How many superheroes have powers that are completely useless? Would Superman be so super if his super power was to know exactly when a steak was medium-rare?

Statistically, for every combat super-power, there must be dozens of non-combat related powers, but even these might be useful. Someone who could un-wrinkle clothes by merely being near them could make a fortune in the dry-cleaning business.

However, this begs the question: What are the absolute worst powers to have? Let us find out, shall we?

Adamantium Nose Hair
We all know that Adamantium is the stuff on Wolverines bones that make them unbreakable. What if your nose hair were that strong? You could not trim them and plucking them would be downright excruciating. Picking your nose would result in serious lacerations. Sneezing could kill.

You can read minds, but only those of teenage-boys and you cannot turn it off. Twenty-four hours a day, every day, it would be nothing but: sex-boobs-butts-girls-boobs-boobs-football-boobs-sex-butts-girls-girls-cars-etc.

You unconsciously change shape, but only into forms that people hate. You would spend your days looking like Hitler, that bully from high school, or that miserable-tramp-that-slept-with-my-husband. On the plus side, you would be in great shape from running away from all the people who were trying to kill you.

Have you thought of a miserable super power? Let me know and I may include it in a future update.



Christoph Wagner said...

Well, actually if you'd have wandered near me with teen-telepathy you'd have gotten something like:
PC-RPG-P&P-TCG-PC-MMORPG-Shroedinger's Cat(Hey, I thought alot about this experiment^^)-Books-Comics-PC


Christoph Wagner said...

Oh, and now that I think about it, a really damn Superpower was in one X-Men Comic (I think it was the Ultimate Continuity, but could be the real, too): You just kill every living thing near you by emitting some toxic substance.
Poor guy killed his entire city.
Oh, and HE thinks of sex in the very end^^

Jason Janicki said...

Ouch. That power would really suck!

Actually, that's probably what you would have found in my head as well (minus the TCG and MMORGS - we didn't have such things :)). Me and my friends were really into Moebius Strips.

Dude, its like, one-sided! :)