Tomorrow Is St. Fructus’ Day!

First off, if you’re a long-time reader of the blog, let me apologize for, well, the blog. Secondly, if you’re a long-time reader you might remember that way back in February, I proposed St. Fructus’ Day as a singles’ alternative to St. Valentine’s Day.

I declared that next August 13th (tomorrow) would be the first celebration of St. Fructus’ Day. And a grand St. Fructus’ Day we shall have!

This begs the question: What does one do on St. Fructus’ Day?

Well, here is the list of traditions that I just made up:
1. Say ‘Happy St. Fructus’ Day’ to people.
2. Explain what St. Fructus’ Day is to the aforementioned people.
3. If you’re single, tell your married friends (or those in a relationship) that they have to give you candy as part of the traditional St. Fructus’ Day Celebration.
a. Eat said candy
4. Watch a St. Fructus’ Day Parade on television.
a. If you manage to locate a parade, please let me know.
5. Wear something . . . I dunno . . .blue, as blue is now the official color of St. Fructus’ Day.
6. Punch a ninja.
7. Vote for Wayfarer’s Moon, as Wayfarer’s Moon is the official comic of St. Fructus’ Day.
a. If you’ve already voted today, spend some time in the archives or in the forum
8. Pet an animal.
a. Preferably, one that is tame
b. Bonus points if you happen to punch a ninja at the same time as you pet an animal
c. Double bonus points if you get the animal to bite the ninja

Okay, I’m out of traditions. If you can think of one that you think should be added to the body of lore concerning St. Fructus’ Day, please let me know. Triple bonus points if it concerns harming a ninja.

And have a fantastic St. Fructus’ Day!

Cheers,
-Jason

Parking

A long time ago, I wrote a blog about people insisting on parking their huge trucks backwards in stalls. This trend, oddly enough, has become more common and I often see soccer moms, little old ladies, men in suits, and the homeless backing their vehicles into parking stalls (the homeless just tend to walk backwards into the stall while making ‘beep beep’ noises).

Honestly, I could care less. Park frontwards, backwards, sideways, upside down, I really don’t care. If it makes you happy, then by all means.

However, I would like to suggest that you practice a bit first. It’s kind of sad watching someone trying to back into a stall and completely missing, then pulling out and going back in. Out and in, in and out, over and over, faster and faster, until finally, they make it in and come to a halt with a shudder. And then they have a cigarette.

NOTE: Yeah, it’s been a while.

And now, the true story that inspired this blog:

Last Sunday, I was running errands and was trying to exit a small strip mall. The entrance to the parking area was a long, narrow, two-way road with parking stalls along one side. The street was narrow enough that anyone pulling in or out of a stall needed both lanes clear. I was parked at the far end, furthest into the mall, and having finished my business, got into my car and started out.

Now, a large black SUV had just entered the parking lot and the driver, a middle-aged man, decided to back into the only available stall in the middle of the strip. This stall happened to already have two, large black SUVs on either side, so it was a tight fit. The driver proceeded to spend an entire song (Great Northern’s Houses), about four minutes, attempting to get his gigantic vehicle into the tiny little space.

By the time he actually got it in, a line had formed on both sides with cars trying to get both in and out. A few people had begun beeping at him.

NOTE: This is Redmond, Washington. We have some of the most courteous drivers in the world. Things that would get you shot and/or stabbed by Amish people in carriages merely warrant a few polite beeps here.

So, with the SUV finally in the stall, traffic began to move again. Being the first car exiting, I passed by and glanced over at the driver.

And here’s the punch line: There was not enough actual room for him to open his door. I am not kidding. His parking gymnastics were for naught as he couldn’t actually exit his vehicle.

I laughed and said to myself: “There’s Wednesday’s blog.”

Once again: If you must back your car into the stall, please,please please, practice first. Any maybe, measure your car.

Cheers,
-Jason

Nothing

Normally, I would post a YouTube video of something fun and/or interesting. However, today, I have nothing.

Zip. Zilch. Nada. Rien.

I'm not sure why. Usually, something gets sent out at work that's amusing (and clean enough to post), but not lately. I don't know why not.

Anyway, I had a thought (yes, I was surprised as well). To prevent days like this, go ahead and send me links to anything you think would be amusing to post, just as long as it's on YouTube and is PG-13-ish.

You can send suggestions to mail@wayfarersmoon.com.

Oh, and before I forget: Please Vote! Everyday! It Will Make Us Happy! And Then I Can Stop Capitalizing Every Word In These Sentences! Seriously! It's A Pain! And I'm a Horrible Typist! In College, I Once Typed An Entire Page With My Nose, Just To See If I Could Do It! It Was Almost As Fast As My Normal Typing! My Hands Are Starting To Hurt! Please, Make It Stop!

Cheers,
-Jason

I Am Pleased

Last week, I asked you all to vote for Wayfarer's Moon on Top Web Comics. We were at #82.

One week later, we are now at . . .


#49!


This was a jump of 33! Huzzah! Thanks to everyone who voted. You've made a simple writer very happy. However, our work is not yet done. We need to crack the Top 10, so please, vote as many days as you can.

If you happen to be browsing the web, stop by and vote. If you happen to be working on your Mom's computer, please vote. If you happen to be the head of a large military industrial complex, order your workers to vote for us as well. If you happen to be a Super Model with a penchant for simple writers, please, send me your phone number (and vote).

Thanks again and remember: vote!

Cheers,
-Jason

Pink Eye

I woke up this morning and discovered that my right eye had been welded shut. I initially suspected ninjas, but then realized they were all still on vacation (Australia, some sort of ‘poison tour’). I eventually figured out that my eyelid was not welded, but merely encrusted by a good ½ inch of goop (which may or may not be better).

So, after prying my eye open, I discovered that the actual eyeball resembled . . . err . . . something really red. Honestly, I can’t think of an appropriately funny metaphor.

Thinking, thinking, thinking . . .

Wait! The Eye of Sauron! Yes. I discovered my eyeball resembled the Eye of Sauron, as it was all flame-y and I had a weird desire to kill hobbits (more so than usual, at least) and could control orcs. Yeah.

Anyway, I ended up going to work. I realize this was bad, but I honestly didn’t clue in that it might be Pink Eye ‘till about noon, at which point it was a bit too late. You see, my brain doesn’t really start to function until about 11:30, wherein ‘function’ is defined as ‘firing on at least half the available cylinders.’ This is why I avoid actual human contact until about that time, as I end up agreeing to help people move, buying insurance, and clicking on pop-ups.

I do wonder where it came from though. I mean, I always wash my hands after handling eyeballs and I haven’t had any direct eyeball-to-eyeball contact in a while. Granted, it could be some vast conspiracy consisting of the California DMV, the League of Left-Handed Elvis Impersonators, that guy at the bus stop, the elephants at the zoo, and some sand, whose sole goal was mildly inconveniencing me, but I kind of doubt it.

Then again, maybe that’s what they want me to think . . .

Cheers,
-Jason

Think of the Australians

I watched yet another Discovery Channel show that cemented my plan of never, ever, ever actually going to Australia. This is because (and this is a direct quote from the show) Australia is the most poisonous place on Earth.

Now, I’m not saying that everything is poisonous, that would be ludicrous. I’m just saying that every other thing is poisonous. Frankly, there are spiders there that, if they ever got organized, could wipe out humanity.

These shows are full of stories like: “I was walking along, minding my own business, when a spider bit me and then my leg fell off. And then, as I was lying there, unable to call for help because my tongue had swollen to the size of a grungaloo and my ears were melting off, the spider stole my wallet.”

NOTE: A ‘grungaloo’ is a kind of squash native to Australia.

NOTE: Actually, I just made ‘grungaloo’ up.

So, you can see how I would be reluctant to visit, even if they let me stay in a tank the whole time.

Anyway, I can’t help but feel badly for the Australians. Their world is a nightmare wasteland of venom, where even everyday activities are fraught with danger. Every shoe, every garbage can, every box of pre-moistened towelettes is potentially a home for a dangerous, vicious insect who’s only desire is to sting you on the nose.

Australians have only once choice: they need to become venomous themselves. Fight fire with fire, I always say. Give the little buggers a taste of their own medicine. Once a few spiders start dying horribly after a random bite, they’ll start to mind their own business.

I don’t know how to do it. I don’t even know if it’s possible. However, I do know that if the Australian government gives me a lot of money, I’ll work on it with the same passion and zeal with which I level a character in WoW.

Well, maybe not with quite that much passion (or zeal). I mean, this is WoW we’re talking about.

Cheers,
-Jason

Building Does Not Fall Down

Ordinarily, it's a good then when buildings don't fall down. However, in the video I found the other day, it wasn't so fortuitous.

Check it out:


I can't imagine what the engineer who did this was thinking at the time. Actually, I would bet it was a variations of 'please stop' and 'please don't hit the other building!' mixed in with 'aaaaaaaaaaaagh!'

Look for a post tomorrow about Australians.

Cheers,
-Jason