Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Don’t Push the Button

I was just settling in to start tomorrow’s blog when I noticed something. At the top of my keyboard is a button labeled ‘My Favorites.’

Now, I’ve had this keyboard for quite some time and to be perfectly honest, I’ve never, ever pushed that button. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever really noticed it before. And now, staring down at the keyboard, I’m realizing that there are actually fourteen buttons up there.

I counted. Twice.

The really silly thing is that they’re all silver and black, as opposed to the rest of the keys, which are black and silver, so you’d think I would’ve noticed them earlier. It’s like when I realized all the other kids had five toes on each foot.

Many of the buttons are labeled, such as ‘Calculator,’ ‘Search’ and ‘Mail.’ I pressed several of them, just to see what they’d do. Strangely enough, the Calculator button brought up the calculator. This is incredibly useful. I will no longer have to click on the Start Menu, go to All Programs, Accessories, and then click on Calculator. I can just push this one button.

Obviously, I will completely forget about this the next time I need a calculator, because honestly, I never look at my keyboard (obviously). My hands just type and words appear on the screen. Sometimes the words tell me to do strange things, like garden naked. This is ludicrous, seeing as I don’t have a garden and I just end up standing on my balcony with a trowel, hoping passerby’s realize that I’m really, really cold.

Which brings us back to the ‘My Favorites’ button. What would happen when I press it? Would a super-model holding a hot fudge sundae appear? Would a literary agent with a 7-figure contract call my cell? Would a super-model literary agent with a 7-figure contract and life-time supply of hot fudge sundaes knock on my door?

Sadly, none of the above. It brought up a menu with a bunch of blank cells and instructions on how to link web sites. So, no, no super-models. However, as noted, I’ll completely forget about these extra buttons soon, so someday I’ll rediscover them and be disappointed once again. And I’ll eventually do it again.

Sisyphus has his boulder. I have a ‘Favorites’ button.



Ed said...

What's really sad is, this is probably the fifth time this has happened since you had this keyboard, but it was the first time you managed to post about it before you forgot. Or was this the second time, and I just didn't manage to remember the first?

Ed said...

P.S. I have a friend who had a similar keyboard, but the button did something profoundly more asinine.

Pressing the 'my favorites' button for him started IE, and opened every single link in his 'Favorites' menu, each in its own window.

This consequently crashed the computer before it could actually finish, as he had hundreds, if not thousands, of bookmarks that IE considered his 'favorites'.

On the bright side, this properly motivated him to consider other browser options, even if it was for entirely the wrong reason. Unfortunately, despite my encouragement, he didn't choose lynx.

Jason Janicki said...

Fifth time? That's the beauty of it. This might've been the hundredth time :)

Oh wow. Talk about the test department falling down on the job there :)