Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I’m assuming you’re familiar with Rock-Paper-Scissors (aka Jan-Ken-Pon or Rochambeau). If you’re not, it’s a simple game where you acquire two of each object (a rock, a piece of paper, and a scissors), give one set to each person, and then when the whistle blows, you attempt to kill your opponent with one of the objects. Scissors scores one point, as it’s the easiest to kill with. Rock scores two points, and Paper scores ten points, as it’s really hard to kill someone with a single sheet of paper. No one really knows why they bother keeping score, I suppose it’s because very few people would otherwise pick Paper.

Note: Obviously, the preceding paragraph is completely false. Strangely enough, most of what I write is completely false. This paragraph itself is also likely false. It’s like a Zen koan of stupidity.

However, why Rock, Paper, and Scissors? Why those three objects? Rock and Scissors are kinda dangerous, so okay. Why Paper though? Obviously, it’s because Scissors can cut Paper, but Scissors can cut lots of thing. It could have been Rock, String, Scissors’ or ‘Rock, Pants, Scissors’ or ‘Rock, Hairball, Scissors.’

And yes, I’ve cut a hairball with scissors.

I’m just curious as to why those three things were picked. They just seem so random.

It was like some guy thought ‘Hey, I need three things that are diametrically opposed’ and glancing around his room, picked out three things completely at random. It could have been ‘Spitoon, Blunderbuss, Panties.’

Personally, I would have gone for ‘Nose, Finger, Booger.’ Obviously, Finger picks Nose, Nose blows out Booger, and Booger sticks to Finger.

It has a certain symmetry.



Gillsing said...

Which finger do you then hold up for "finger"? The "nose" would of course be the old thumb-sticking-out-between-the-fingers-of-a-closed-fist, and while a "booger" might look a lot like that as well, you'd better go a with a limp hand that dangles ickily. Otherwise it would be too easy to switch from nose-fist to booger-fist if the opponent chose "finger".

TX_Val said...

That reminds me of the That 70's Show episdoe where Hyde comes up with Foot, Nuke, Roach.

Fez was mad, because he always looses at paper-rock-scissors..

Foots squashes Roach

Nuke (nuclear bomb) destroys foot

Roach survives Nuke (and somehow destroys foot)

Short version, where Hyde explains.

(long version, with them playing, about 3m)

Anonymous said...

One thing they do have in common is all three can hurt you if you aren't careful.
Maybe it's just me but papercuts are evil (ever managed to cut the skin between your fingers with a sheet of paper?). I'd probably prefer a light cut with scissors or getting hit with a rock...

How a sheet of paper could pose a threat to a rock is beyond me though.

Anonymous said...

and we mustn't forget the Big Bang Theory's improved Rock-Paper-Scissors...


Sorry I don't have a link, but it was one of my favorite episodes from Season 2.

Jason Janicki said...

Finger would be the index finger pointing up. Nose is as you described, and Booger would be the index finger pointing down (preferably with a shaking action).

Hah, those were good! Roach survives Nuke (but the Foot doesn't) would be my guess.

The worst is a paper-cut on the lip, like when you lick an envelope. The very thought makes me shudder. Huh, haven't heard of Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock. I'll have to look it up. Thanks!

Silver said...

Personally, I've always found the Swedish version to make much more sense. Rock-bag-scissors.

The bag can hold the rock, the scissors can cut it open, and if you try to cut a rock with scissors, they break.

I used to think the paper thingy referred to something else, because it just didn't make sense.

TX_Val said...

Maybe somehow paper defeats rock by covering it, and basically denying it's existence to the visual world.

Woo... *shivers in fear of billboard sized paper stalking him*

Hmm never heard of the spock/lizard version. Hit google though, the first 2 links that came up..

Video from the Big bang theory show, describing it..

And this guys site, claiming he came up with it (before the tv show did)
Either way, it has a neat picture realting the actions.


Captain Hesperus said...

Hah! I can trump all of these:

25, yes 25(!), rock-paper-scissors combinations!

It's so simple it's truely evil! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha /choke/
Ack! Hairball!

Jason Janicki said...

Y'know, Silver, I bet that's where Paper came from (assuming bags were made out of paper). It makes a certain sense . . .

That might mean that Rock is like a mineral version of the Bugblatter Beast of Traal(sp?). Remember, your best defense was a towel, because if you couldn't see it, it assumed it couldn't see you.

Wow, Captain. 25 variations? That's way too many for me, I can't remember what affects what with Rock-Paper-Scissors-Spock-Lizard.