Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Do Your Duty: Part 1

I got my mail the other day. I try not to do that too often, as there’s a high percentage chance that there will be something unpleasant there, like a bill or a really upset King Cobra. Quick word of advice: if your mailbox is actively hissing, open it away from your body.

Well, I received neither a bill nor a snake, but something arguably more dire: a summons to Jury Duty.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against doing Jury Duty. I’ve done it before and it’s an important part of our judiciary system. It’s just that its, well, getting there is a pain in the butt. The court is in Seattle, so I have to get up early and drive across the bridge, find parking, avoid the urban gorillas (Seattle’s rife with ‘em), and make it to the courthouse on time. And then, do all that backwards to get home at the end of the day.

NOTE: Seattle traffic sucks. I mean ‘commit murder’ sucks.

Now, like I said, I don’t mind the actual ‘jury’ part of jury duty. It’s actually kind of interesting. I don’t even mind waiting around to get called. I get to read and practice talking to myself (‘No! I said no muffin! Don’t you-! Get away from there! I said no muffin! And put down the ostrich!’). I’m just really dreading the drive over.

So, whilst contemplating this, I said to myself “Rutherford (which is how I address myself), there really ought to be a legally acceptable way to get out of jury duty.”

And then it hit me: what if you could pay to get out of jury duty?

Tomorrow: Part 2


Anonymous said...

Can't you use the "I'm a diabetic lesbian." excuse to get out of it? Thats how I got out of the Navy...

Captain Hesperus said...

[takes notes]
Item 1) Find a supplier of mute King Cobras.
Item 2) Find eight hundred yards of urban camo fabric for gorillas. It might not work, but at least they could masquerade as 'urban survivalists'.
Item 3) Put down ostrich. Once I've finished loading it...

The Mess said...

How to get out of jury duty: Loudly proclaim that you support the right of American Citizens to know about their duty to nullify unjust laws by acquitting guilty defendants. If you do it loud enough, the entire jury pool might be sent home, but you certainly will.


Silver said...

After debating communism, socialism and communism on two different forums and in one msn conversation for the last four hours or so, the last line in that post must have been the most hilarious thing I've read in weeks. Seriously.

Thank you.

On a completely unrelated note, I love the word verification things on this site. They're also hilarious.

Jason Janicki said...

I usually just tell them I'm an 'energy cannibal' and that I eat auras. That usually works.

Hesperus: Try Bob's DeHissed Snakes (www.bobsdehissedsnakes), that's where I got mine. As for the camo, you're on your own. And yes, put down the poor ostrich.

Interesting, The Mess. I might have to use that if they try to stick me on a really long case.

You're very welcome, Silver :)