Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A Quest!

A missive appeared upon my desk-top. A message? Perchance a video of kittens frolicking with machetes? Mayhap a jest unlike any I have ever read? Nay, a dire summons it was, for my liege lord did request my presence!

To my feet I leapt, scattering the crumbs of my lunch about like the hordes of naughty-dom before a mighty charge! I rounded the cubicle and found a gaggle of persons before me. They dispersed at my thundering approach with many a high-pitched shriek more befitting the mouths of girl-children than the lungs of stalwart men.

As I entered the great stretch of land that bordered the Isle of Writers, a co-worker I did pass.

“Hey, Jason?” he said, a hand raised as if with a question or perchance in a high-five, yet I paid him no mind and gathered myself for the last stretch.

At last I was there, at the cubicle of my lord, whom I called ‘boss.’

“You summoned me, o signer of paystubs?”

“Uh, yeah. I need you to go talk to Bruce about getting the collection objective finalized.”

“A quest!” I said. “A summons to battle! Never fear, for I shall complete this task ‘ere the sun doth set!”

“No,” my boss did say. “Just talk to him. Don’t threaten him with a drubbing or behead his action-figures. Just ask him about the objective.”

“But I have heard tell of the prowess of this Bruce. Surely, a clash is nigh!”

“No,” he did say again. “It’s not a quest or a labor or an epic adventure. It’s just talking. Just talk to him.”

“Huh?’ I did say.

“Just- oh fine.” My liege did motion me in close. “’Tis a mission,” he said. “A mission most secret.”

“Aye,” I did answer.

“Find Bruce the . . . uh . . . Coder and talk with him about the collection objective. Return with his answers to me. But,” he said, holding up a hand. “Offer no violence, for Bruce is timid and will not speak if threatened.”

“A mission!” I said. “Have no fear, this task will be done!” I paused. “Yet, where may I find this Bruce?”

“He’s over by Stan.” My boss did sigh at my blank look. “If you venture towards the Land of Kitchen, but swerve east at the Pit of the ummm Bathroom, you will find him nearest the window.”

“I will ride forth without delay!” I said, turning to go.

“Great,” I heard my boss to utter, as my quest began.

Later: Part II


ZenKai said...


If your boss actually went along with you on that (I understand his could have been a - albeit, well written - humorous interpretation), but if he did actually go along with you, you have the best workplace ever.

My boss spends 2/3 of his time looking at me like out of my mind, and the other 1/3 laughing at the jokes/hijinks/shenanigans/goings-ons that he DOES get.

This all boils down to this: Well written, or I hate you cuz you're luckier than I.

(... see you at ECCC)

Jason Janicki said...

My boss happens to be very cool. I once told him that I was planning on taking him out so I could have his position and he pointed out that we could both take his boss out, and we could then both move up.

Cool! We're always delighted to meet a fan!

Kris said...

All things considered it probably shouldn't have been, but the first thing I thought at "kittens frolicking with machetes" was if the machetes were being held by said kittens under the influence of the adjective, or if the machetes themselves were, under their own power, taking part in the frolic.

Jason Janicki said...

Well, kittens and machetes are natural enemies in the wild, but if you raise them together, they're the best of friends :)