Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Drive Like You Move

I was watching the Daily Show the other day and a car commercial came on. I didn’t really pay any attention to it, what with the three super-models vying for my attention, but the tag-line did catch my attention.

Okay, fine. It wasn’t three super-models. It was just one. Well, ‘super-model’ is perhaps a bit of a stretch (though she is undeniably cute). ‘Female’ would be accurate. And she wasn’t really vying for my attention, she was . . . licking herself. Yes, it was my cat. She was sitting on my chest, grooming herself and she was blocking most of the TV. Happy?

Anyway, from what I could see from around my cat was a standard car commercial with lots of zooming and ‘professional driver on a closed course’ subtitles. The tag-line, though, was ‘Drive Like You Move.’

I think this would be a mistake.

Frankly, I’m a klutz. I bump into things a lot. I drop things on a regular basis. I once ripped out a toenail moving a box. My own father actually laughed when my shoelace once caught a protruding nail in our deck and tripped me. Leigh won’t let me move the miniatures in our D&D game, because I once accidently flung one across the room.

Fine, twice. A year. On average.

If I drove like I moved, I would be killing people on a regular basis. I would be plowing mailboxes down, smashing into cars, and accelerating off overpasses. The only good side is that I’m pretty sure I’d total my truck within a week.

And here’s the scary part: I’m one of the coordinated ones in my circle of friends. Give us a month and we’d depopulate western Washington.

If we’re to ‘Drive Like We Move’ then only professional dancers should be the only ones behind the wheel.

And maybe contortionists. They would, at least, be interesting.



TX_Val said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TX_Val said...

Sounds like you live, and drive around here. Makes me think of a story a friend of mine told me yesterday.

She hit a drunk driver the other day. I didn't mistype that. It was pouring rain, she says this crazy driver was coming up behind her, so she decided to change lanes and get out of his way, it was one of the worse downpours we've had here, and she hit some water, while changing lanes, and lost control of her car, spinning into the truck that she was trying to let by. She then sent him into a spin, and they both bumped into each other a few times, before coming to rest on opposite sides of the road. The guy jumped out of his truck and demanded they get the police there, understandably.

To shorten the story, within 5 minutes they had the guy handcuffed and in the back of a car for Drunk Driving. Her insurance dropped her for drunk driving. When she called to get it straightened out, they said they had never had a sober person cause a wreck with a drunk, and they had gotten the facts confused, in the end, after investigating it, they did clear her, and renew her insurance policy.

I haven’t posted in a while, so this gave me a chance to ramble.. J
I guess I would drive “smooth” then… (rolls eyes)

DarkWaterSong said...

Yes!!! Drive like you move is a VERY bad idea.

I have more archetypes that would a BAD on the road. 1) The sloth; movies as little as possible. 2) The humming bird; sprints every where, usually jumping over things. 3) The soccer mom; can't pay attention to any one thing and will cut anything off to get to her objective....wait....

Jason Janicki said...

That's weirdly funny! And her insurance backed off, that's cool. I've heard too many horror stories about that sort of thing, it's nice to know that they sometimes do what they're supposed to.

Heh :) Ostrich: keeps head under dashboard. Pelican: Dives headfirst into water. :)

"gunner" said...

i never had many problems on the road, either i was driving an armoured truck, an 18 wheeler or a retired crown vic unmarked "police special", most people gave me plenty of room.

TX_Val said...

HA, yeah the 'retired police special' is a pain. I taught my g/f to read plates so she's quit slowing down an putting behind them. In our state gov plates are only #'s and have red state exempt above the numbers.
So all you have to do is get a good look at the plate coming up on them, and you don't have to worry. There are exceptions, like constables, but they don't usually enforce traffic violations, unless you're seriously messing up.


Jerron said...

In my state, the unmarked ones have regular plates. We picked up on that trick long enough ago, that they picked up on us picking up on it...

I just want to see how you drive like a contortionist. I think I mighta seen one of them driving an 18 wheeler the other day, shut down the whole interstate...

Jason Janicki said...

I just have this mental image of you, gunner, driving a retired cruiser with some sort of anti-tank weapon on it. which, of course, explains all the room you get :)

They've taken to using solid color cars up here in Redmond. They blend in really well and if you're not paying attention, they can sneak up on you (especially at night, when the light bar isn't as visible).

I have no idea how to drive like a contortionist. Maybe you steer with your feet? I've seen a few girls applying makeup while driving - no clue how they managed to stay on the road.

Jerron said...

I saw on egirl getting dressed while driving. Putting on a skirt and blouse, she was wearing lacey panties and bra. She was short enough where you couldn't see from beside her. Good thing I was driving a commercial truck.

And she shouldn't have given me a dirty look- if you're gonna go out in public in your underwear, people are going to look- especially if she's cute (she was).

TX_Val said...

*laugh* Jerron, she shoudl be happy you didn't ram into her. That might have been more about driving how you feel, wanting to ram into her and all.

Yeah, that was a sad comment, but the truth none the less.

I did go through one town, where the police cars were a cool shade of blue, I swear they had metallic flake in the paint, and the POLICE was in "ghost" paint, that you coudln't see very well until you were looking directly at the side of them. (I mean, ghosted.. a different shade, comparable to the base color, so it was barely visible)

That's just evil, but it was very cool looking.

Jason Janicki said...

I had a buddy who used to drive a tow truck. He had a few interesting stories about things he's seen people doing in their cars.

I always thought the old black-and-white cop cars were silly, precisely for the reason that you could spot them from a mile away. Now that they're switching to solid color cars, I'm kinda missing the old ones :)