Is Better Than . . .

I happened to use the expression ‘x is better than sliced bread’ the other day. It’s an expression I use with some frequency.

Once the sentence escaped my lips, however, I wondered ‘why?’ Why is sliced bread so magical that other things need to be compared to it?

I somehow doubt that the unsliced bread of yore was particularly tough or screamed when you cut it (which would be unnerving to say the least), so why would pre-sliced bread be so wonderful? Our ancestors were hearty working folk who regularly hunted dinosaurs and fought yeti, what possible terror could a loaf of bread have held for them? I mean, I have personally cut bread. It didn’t fight back and I have all my fingers (though one had to be put back on ).

So, I humbly submit that we should have a better expression. Something that truly reflects the magical experience that sliced bread simply doesn’t convey.

Please feel free to use the one you like best in your daily conversation:

X is . . .

Better than a solid gold puppy
Puppies are cute. Everyone loves them. Plus if it’s solid gold, it will a) be worth a lot of money and b) won’t poop in the house.

Better than an overclocked Intel Core 2 Extreme QX6850 (quad core)
I don’t actually know what that means, but my tech friend got all excited when he talked about it.

Better than being at a supermodel nudist convention
No explanation required.

Better than X’s bottom
Please insert the name of the person whose bottom you feel is the most perfect in the land. It should probably be your spouse’s or significant other’s if they’re within ear shot.

Better than a +5/+8 vs. Evil Holy Avenger
Those of you who know what this means are thinking ‘yeahhhhh.’

Better than a Zombot
It would have to be marvelous indeed, to be better than a hybrid zombie-robot.

Cheers,
-Jason